Its the groom "HUNT"!!!

My cell phone buzzed…its just 8 am, on a Sunday morning…how dare someone call me at this time on a weekend!!!! My fumbling hands found the phone and the blue screen read “home”. Before even I could say a hello, words starting pouring from the other end. “B.tech, xxx nakshtram, 180 cm, working in Bangalore”….it went on…I listened with my eyes shut. “Log into Keralamatrimony site and check out these profiles”. I could envision my mother, scanning the supplement –that accompanies the Sunday Newspaper, devoted to the Hindu, Christian, and Muslim bride n groom hunters. The conversation paused:-

Mom: still sleeping?

Me: yeah

Mom: Its 8!!!(Very…unhappy)

Me: It’s a Sunday (whining)

Mom: hmmmm….. (It simply means, she is extremely pissed off)

Me: Will check the profile and call you back.

No response and I awaited the lecture that would follow. “devi, this is not how girls are supposed to be. If not by 6, try to wake up by 7 at least!!! Once you start your life at another place (that’s how she refers to my future -in-law’s house), you’ll learn. Be responsible, you are old enough…When I was your age…..”Well, this sort of conversation never ends….does it??? I listened, my eyes closed and wits- almost semi conscious. The line went dead.

Wake up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As usual, I couldn’t sleep after the conversation. Any talks with my mother (or whoever it be) that ends in a warning, kills my sleep. I turned sides, switched on my ipod..nah…no sleep… mom’s voice echoed in my ears.. She is hunting a groom for me and how could I sleep in bliss!!! That’s my job she is doing and I can’t be a spectator!!! So, I decided to wake up. With a steaming cup of tea, I sat in front of my lappy. www.keralamatrimony.com.... This is where I choose my prospectus hubby. On the right side of the page I can see the ‘success stories’ the site boasts of.

“Thank you Keralamatrimony for helping me find the one I was looking for all my life- Mr & Mrs X”.

The couple beamed in the picture that popped up above the message. So, this is happening right? People actually get married to those the site advocates -“this is your ideal match”. About 3-4 years ago, I would have laughed at this idea- of scanning profiles over the net and click on “express interest” and propose marriage to a guy. But now, being 25 and single- which is almost equal to an offence for girls in our society- leaves me little choice. Oh yes, I could bring home a guy of my choice- provided I satisfy certain conditions:-

1) The guy should be a Malayali

2) Well, to be more precise- a Malayali Nair

3) The stars w,x,y,z…do not match……..

4) The guy should have slight paapam in his jathakam…

(Nyone, remember having done titration in chemistry lab?)

Since I couldn’t find anybody that suits all the conditions put forth by my parents, I leave it to their will- the process of screening the profiles. Meanwhile, I have gained a lot of knowledge in astrology as well as the caste system. For instance:-

*jathakams can fall under paapam/shudham category-here opposites attract policy do not work, shudha jathakam can never match a paapa jathaam
*Stars can belong to three domains (gosh! can’t find another terminology) – asura, deva or manushya. Its better that the couple belong to the same domain/clan (clan sounds better na?).
Asura and Deva match : they might never get along.( My mom sites example :me n my dad)
Asura and Manusya (or) Deva and Manusya : an ook ooooook match….
*In the 'Nair caste hierarchy'…there are few sub castes as well!!!

So, now you understand why it’s better that your parents do the preliminary selection.

So, my mom does the initial calculation and then asks me to check the profiles.
Here goes the selection process:-
She scans the profiles of Nair guys over matrimony agents and newspapers.
Checks if the stars are compatible (educational qualifications too)
Later, checks if the paapam ingredient is present in the guy’s horoscope.
Calls me up and asks me to check the guys photograph over the matrimony site.

Now, the ball is in my court. I type the profile Id in the site and start search.
Wait for the page to open……a look at the photograph? (Well, who says looks doesn’t matter???)
If OK, then I proceed to ‘about me’- well, this is the tricky part- the funniest too. Some of the few intriguing statements that I came across:-
*looking for a girl who can cook as well as take care of the house
*looking for a person who will take care of me and my family, as well as work

There are very creative people who can talk in length about themselves and says aloud, “Your search ends here, I am the one”. I do appreciate their talent at selling their own profiles. But nah, such sugar coated words make me feel all suspicious, while the bold statements that says “well, I am this short tempered guy, looking for someone who can accept me as I am”-scares me. Oops!!!! How do I decide???

Well, I need to let my mother know my opinion. I give her a ring and convey my like or dislike. Again I enter a deadlock.
If I like the profile, she calls up the guys family and they get into discussions. They enter the next phase of checking the horoscopes. Now, the probability of the horoscope getting matched is inversely proportional to the probability of me liking the guy.

So, getting married is a process.
And I cant be a silent spectator to all these. Afterall, its the matter of choosing my person for the rest of my life :)