As tHe croW fliEs

www.annoyance.com

2011-09-28T16:27:00.004+05:30

Annoyance
"Annoyance is an unpleasant mental state that is characterized by such effects as irritation and distraction from one's conscious thinking. It can lead to emotions such as frustration and anger. The property of being easily annoyed is called petulance, and something which annoys is called a nuisance."

People, don't panic. Nothing s gotten onto me... Am never that serious writer!!The above statement has been ctrl+c-ed ctrl+v-ed from wikipedia.

So, back to the topic, how often do we get annoyed?
I have a very minimum immunity against annoyance and nuisances. While those close to me can take my trips (they know the threshold) as much as they want -others, please do not cross the border line. BTW, A & M says I look like 'tweety', when annoyed(!!!)
I am not the kind who would lash out in anger, I am the kind who would lock you out- keep you in a zone, wherein you’d be tabooed- a pest. I’d swear to keep myself away from such pests. Here are some instances that happened yesterday, and I got infested by couple of pests

Over to the pests……

“Sree…. You look like an aunty”
Ouch!!! A tight slap, a whip lash an electric shock- would have been nothing compared to this verbal stab!!!
I looked at my tormentor, she stood there, flashing all her 32 and smiling at me as though she made a statement on national television. She managed to bring upon pin drop silence to the bay that was bustling with noise prior to the ‘statement’. I managed to snap back,” well, this is how I look everyday”.
She: Well, then may be it’s the attire, I’ve seen you on casuals on Fridays and u look bindaas on them.
Me: Then, this is my Monday to Thursday look (with a shrug to show my annoyance)

Couple of minutes later Miss. G comes running to my desk. Here is the conversation that followed:-

G: “How dare she say such things to you? If it were me, I would have taken her trips” (well, I have produced a polished version of her dialogue in here)
Me: “She was just trying to pull my leg. Its ok, leave it”
G: “Arrey… look at herself, doesn’t she have a mirror at home” (again, her words have been refined)
M: No more dialogues, I just chose to smile this time.

Communicator buzzed. Couple more friends who thought I was deeply offended by the dialogue pinged me and checked if I were alright. Oh hell yeah, she just made my day (&many more days to come)

If I thought I’d experienced enough of annoyance for the day, I was deeply mistaken.Here comes bug #2
To celebrate birthdays at work, we order a cake and later, when the money amounts to a certain figure; we collect the share from the team. As I announced that its time to collect the money, a co-worker asks me this: - “why don’t you accept sudexo coupons instead of money?”
I was just at a loss of words again. Why waste my energy and shoot up my BP with a conversation. I ended the conversation with a simple “No”, as he sat there- glaring at me for having deeply offended his suggestion.

These things happen every single day. If I were to list all these, am sure that would make a good reading for a later stage of my life. Do I want that? Hmm… I’ll think about it and write down, if am sure that I would laugh at it some day. For now, the purpose has been served…. i.e., you may have a laugh. And promise me, you won’t be a pest in ma life…. (wink)

Yet another struggle!

2011-08-17T21:49:00.004+05:30

64 years since Independence, and the country says "quit India" to corruption. Its Anna waves all over the media and the social networking sites brimming with slogans against corruption and support for the crusade. I chose to be in the 'Manmohan Singh" mode. For those who haven’t heard about this mode before- it’s the recently invented pseudonym for 'silent mode'. We got to see a confused PM face his colleagues in the parliament- reading out from a script (perhaps faxed from US) - speechless to questions like- “who is running the country?” The otherwise charismatic and crowd puller upcoming scion of the Congress has suffered some severe damage to his image- with his snide comments.

While the whole country is united against the people we elected to rule us, there are many people like me- who has not done as little as snap a finger, for the cause. I believe, I have no right to comment on the whole episode. There is little pride in being a silent spectator, but I clearly do not believe in spamming the social networking sites with multitude of messages. I might not be right, but as action speaks louder than words- I rather not babble about a serious cause, sitting in the comfort of my home!

It ain't complicated

2011-08-17T13:18:00.005+05:30

I have absolutely no idea why have I named this post "It ain't complicated'- when everything around me looks nothing less than a maze! This monsoon, it’s the second time am down with flu. Looks like I have a poor immunity off-late. Perhaps more greens n fruits should find its way to my plate. My definition of green is the yummy (!) salads that I get at Namdhari's. Ashu says 'yeeks' each time I tell her I had salad or anything that rhymes with it. I know what would she say if I tell her I had rasam papad n rice for lunch and that I am gonna repeat the same for dinner. She’d ask me to order a biryani or some ‘healthy’ food!
A slight high from the medicines, my daze shifts between the television screen, the lappy, the newspaper.... and so on and so forth. I have been inside this room for the past three days and I can’t wait to get out. Woke up at 7.45 in the morning, when couple of my long lost frens decided to rekindle old ties. I couldn’t be mean, and I managed to say few things in my croaky voice. A couple of coughs and they benevolently ended the conversation. I lay awake for some more time and another phone call from work woke me up. My voice and the coughs again, saved me explanation. Another day off!
A cup of Tata tea life and some Marie gold cookies- soaked in the same tea. There is an online world that is alive almost 24/7, n I decided to hit the virtual world. A bit of soulless conversations would be better than absolute loneliness. Look who’s online- Mr. M and I had a wicked smile on my face as I commented on his FB status... Relieved that I can spent the day taking his trips! I looked at the list of people online. I did a mental calculation before I pinged anyone. I assessed the flow of the conversation:
Me: hey there... wassup?
She/he : Hey devi.. Long time...How are you? Where r u?
Me: am good, thanks. Hw abt u? W r u now?
She/he: am good da.... am in blore too... U still with satyam?
Me: yes... (Well, is that a crime, u grasshopper???)
She/he: so, what else. Wedding plans?
Me: Eh....of course, I do plan to get married... (Someday)
She/ He: well, u should seriously think about it.... (Blah blah)
Me: yea yea, i knw i knw.... (Have you got nothing else to talk?)
Almost all chat sessions come to an abrupt end. There isn’t anything worth talking. And I seriously cannot contribute to diaper changing and family planning talk. So, I end up anonymous in the online world. Last week, a friend said my voice don’t sound innocent anymore (!) what do I say!
So, I must be a misfit among all those people who have moved on the regular way of their lives and who really cannot understand their ‘chweet’ talks. I apologize and now I hope u understand why I never come ‘online’.
Was that the influence of antibiotics or abundance of sleep! M..... glad you’re still online... there is manichitrathazhu on TV.....
Guess, I‘ve blabbered enough!

tHis aNd thaT...

2011-08-08T16:02:00.005+05:30

The murmur of the slow running fan,
Chris Martin/Jason Wade/ David Hodges/somebody else crooning in the background,
Sunlight that seeps in through the green filter of the curtain that covers the single pane window,
the newspaper unfold,
steaming tea,
The absolute silence at times,
A cat that cries in the middle of night,
Those pink flowers that lie lifeless near the gate,
the dog-walkers,
The wet trees, plants & flowers,
The lazy me…..
Life goes on….
Round and round the very same things…
days to months to years…..
The speed is unnerving.

Feels like there is so much left to do and I have so little time.

The big fat Indian attitude!!!

2011-07-29T15:16:00.006+05:30

I am proud to be the citizen of the largest democracy in the world. I love my country that boasts of a rich cultural heritage, of the intensely diverse population that speaks around 33 different languages, of the depleting, yet wide assortment of flora and fauna, of the incredible array of landscapes. In spite of all the differences, we relate in some unusual, amusing ways. Is that the color of the skin, the tone of our language, or the unmistakable accent that gives us away? There is much more to it, right? There are lots of things that we all enjoy despite the linguistic and geographic disparities- loud conversations, bargaining skills, hosting bandhs/strikes. We unanimously hate to stand in a queue, be on time, and obey traffic rules. We do not think twice before littering the public road or designing walls with the maroon pan stains or park our vehicles right under the sign that says ‘no parking’ and attend to nature’s call on the pavement. Corruption is not taboo for us; and we see a sudden population rise in places like Tihar jail. A couple of crores from the tax we pay have been effectively utilized in providing security to one of India’s top priority guests- who also happens to be a terrorist! We are well aware of these common factors that bind us and we tend to ignore them. Ignorance, they say is ‘bliss’. So, in the quest for bliss, we have accepted them as a part and parcel of our lives- sab kuch chalega!!!
There is a fresh wave of anti corruption crusade across the country. What began as a fresh breeze has turned out to be nauseating with the amount of politics and personal interests taking a front stage. As TV channels and other news media enjoy a non stop flurry of ‘Breaking News’, we the ‘aam aadmi’ are lost in a whirlpool of bewilderment. A persona hailed today is crucified the next day and vice versa. Midst of all this commotion, the common man continue his odyssey. He has his EMIs to be paid, inflation to fight, prepare himself for a recession that could be somewhere in the corner. He doesn’t care about people who write books labeling him the ‘Argumentative Indian’. He has set his own rules and priorities. Nothing or no one can change his big fat attitude.
“Why should I get involved in the mess? It’s dirty ‘politricks’ after all!! “.We crib about the facilities, about the infrastructure, and sighs “when would our country progress”. All of us cannot be the pillars of the nation, not everybody can find themselves in the Lokshabha or other eminent houses in the country. In building an empire, every stone that goes into the structure plays its own role. We may not be involved in framing a law, but we are the brand ambassadors of it. We cannot fill in the potholes in the road, but we could stop throwing filth in it. Little effort goes into doing simple things like standing in queue, following the traffic rules, apt use of resources etcetera. What is stopping us in making a difference in our own teeny-weenie ways? Let us not wait for someone to come forward and urge us to join the wave of change. We are the waves and let us bring the much needed change…. A change for good…For starters let us kiss good bye to the big fat Indian attitude!!!

Dear Padmanabha...

2011-07-04T12:41:00.003+05:30

Dear Padmanabha,
It has been a while since I paid you a visit. I hope you know how much I enjoy a visit to the beautiful shrine of yours. The tears that blur my sight, as I stand hypnotized in front of you. You look relaxed, yet so much in control- the mellow glow of the oil-lit lamps. The sight is such a vista that I forget my prayers and stand, blind-folded in your enigma. Wish I could have a glimpse of the whole of you, but there is a beauty in the darshan through the three doors. From the time, my feet leaves the comfort of the footwear and kiss the coarse sand, I feel your eyes on, my every step. The cold breeze that strikes my face, the smooth stone beneath my feet…the aroma of burning oil, of nivedyam, of sandal, of ghee, of faith, of Padmanabhan…..
Each visit feels new to me, I come to you with a set of appeal, sometimes a bag full of complaints. One look at you, and I am lost. All I can ask for is your blessing. I know that you know what I want in life. Yet, I wanted to talk to you about so many things, things that went wrong, missed opportunities, wounds that hurt my mind, of the mild joys and occasional triumphs. In front of you, I realize it would be stupid of me to recite things that you are already aware of. So, I bent my head and ask you to be with me, take care of me and forgive my mistakes. I return, bliss hovering around me, like the smell of the sandalwood. The cold breeze that strikes my face, the smooth stone beneath my feet…the aroma of burning oil, of nivedyam, of sandal, of ghee, of faith, of Padmanabhan…..

Revival !!!

2011-07-04T10:47:00.002+05:30

I have been talking a lot about writing….. Writing is good, is an emotional let go, is a stress buster...so on and so forth. Monday 27 September 2010, 6:11 PM: my blog comes to an unofficial standstill. Not that I didn’t want to write. I kept writing. On notebooks, word documents spread across different drives of my laptop. Things that I didn’t want to disclose, too personal-rather too mushy. None found its way to this page.
As my manager introduced me to a senior in the team, he said “perhaps she is the only one in the team who has got a blog”, I felt guilty. I have a blog and I’ve let it die a silent death, and I tell every second person that I wanna pen a book all by myself. I am talking irony here. Me- who can’t maintain a blog, is talking about authoring a book! While I still dream of getting my anecdote printed, let me do justice to what is alive and breathing at the moment. Lemme breathe some fresh air into this page. Thanks to all my friends who asked me, “no new posts?”

For the heck of it!!

2010-09-27T18:11:00.002+05:30

bored!
aimless!
tired and numb!
well...its been a long time and i wanted to scribble something and did so!!
just for the heck of it!!!

guess i should do some serious writing...
my mind.....sluggish and at its laziest best ....can u hear me????

Those days!!

2010-07-15T17:58:00.003+05:30

Well…well… as each weekend pass by- I am bidding farewell to my friends. They are either moving to other cities or are moving on with their lives- entering matrimony or motherhood status.
Saw Litty online after a long time yest and she breaks open the news to me “Nami is pregnant”.To which I reply-“ohh …wow... N so is Anju”…and then she says-“Tini too”!!!!!
So, we are prospective aunts to three cutie pies! :)
Time is flying and school days-a good 8 years ago- seem like yesterday. Feels like we all met few months back and that we are still those teen gals-giggling n gossiping- about anything and everything under the sun! Eager to explore the world, eager to know what life has in store for each!

They were all in the same class- commerce dept; and me and Linta, in Science. The bunch of girls from ‘Anakkal’ school was a topic of great interest to the other mates of St.Mary’s-the not-so-happening school. SAP=ians (that’s what we used to call ourselves even before we heard about SAP Labs). The SAPS hostel had a ‘Houseful’ board, by the time our parents decided to put us in boarding schools. As a result- about 8 of us were sent to this hostel-an arrangement between the two schools. This hostel was much better than our school’s. With a pretty compound, lots of guava trees, lovely garden, a nice chapel, and lots of nooks and corners to hang around. Moreover- it was 3 kms away from school and so we had the option to loaf around the town. The lemon juice at the chechi’s shop near Akkarappalli, the puffs and the chicken rolls at Kottaram Bakery, the Amala book shop- these were our usual stop-overs.

Talk about people- a crazy bunch of girls- a weird mix, from places in and around Kottayam.
The replica of an NRI-Litty (from Bahrain), with her wide eyes, funny Malayalam and huge bottles of Nivea moisturizer;
Tini- the pretty girl with long hair and pretty eyes;
Linta-the studious of the lot;
Nami aka Namitha (another NRI!)- the funniest ;
Neenu- the one who could sleep even while she walked;
Treasa – the geek
And my dear dear mariamma aka Anju Maria Kuncheria :). I have already written 2 blogs on her, so !!!

It was a nice group- one that instantly hit off! We were the noisiest in the whole building and each of us used to hate the study hours. The warden was a sweet nun- Infant Mary. No comments on the food that they served there…the maids in the kitchen were the villains. They used to stand near the place where we disposed our plates and made us eat the leftovers in the plate. I can count the number of weekends that I have stayed in the hostel. I used to rush home, every weekend-skipping the entrance coaching classes!

Studies…well…I kinda lost the flow -petrified with the syllabus and a flurry of geeks!
My brain was so adamant, and stood still against the flow of bits and bytes of Physics, Chemistry and Math. Biology and English were my favorites as ever and by the end of first term- I came to a conclusion that I would take up literature for my degree!But,fate had other plans for me.

2 years-such a short time and we were at the end of our school lives. Now, 8 years down the lane- after a chat with one of the hostel-gang, am reminded of few funny incidents. An earthquake, a mishap in the kitchen, etc etc…. more blogs to come 

Raavan!!!!!!!

2010-06-19T23:27:00.003+05:30

chik...chik...chik...chik...chik...chik..(No, its not the chicklets ad)
bak...bak...bak...bak..bak...bak...bak...aaaaaaaaaggggggggggrrrrrrrr.....more srceams...continuous rain...mud(!)-stained facchik...chik...chik...chik.....(No, its not the chicklets ad)
bak...bak...bak...bak..bak.....aaaaaaaaaggggggggggrrrrrrrr.....more srceams...continuous rain...mud(!)-stained faces...thats all I could recollect as I came out of the theatre after watching the much awaited-Raavan!!!!Sacrificed -a Saturday morning slumber that was part of the ‘weekend’ package,spent abt 150 bucks on the rik, a breakfast on an awful and overpriced sandwich and rushed to the show that was at 10.15- all for this!!!
Even music by A.R was quite disappointing. This is the first movie of Jr.Bachan that got released this year, and mind you-the year is six months old.Feels like Beera’s role wasn’t tailored for him. Would have been better if Vikram himself did the role in hindi as well. I got a head ache listrning to the shrieks that was a part of the script. Beera- well, who was he? A bandit?a naxal? Robinhood?or a modern-day-raavan!
He is taking revenge on those behind the death of his sister and as the story progresses-gets diverted from his mission- cos of the presence of beautiful Ragini in his life. He gets carried away by her and is willing to let go of Dev(the Ram)- the police officer, just to make Ragini happy-revenge forgotten. The dus-sar-waala Raavan –fails to impress the audience. And I couldn’t stop laughing at the multani-mitti(!)-stained face the junglee croud adorns.
May be I expected too much from one of the most brilliant directors of the country. All I can say is that I regret the amount of money I spent on this piece of ART!!!

Life without you

2010-06-17T12:17:00.005+05:30

27 days!!! It has been this long since you walked out of my life. I have been struggling to cope with my life in your absence, but it’s not as easy as I thought. I still cant believe that you are no more there…I feel you are there somewhere-hiding in a place, where you’re sure I wont find out… I still remember the day you came into my life, about three years ago… I met you at one of those busy malls in b’lore and it was love at first site- I knew you were the one for me. Since then, I kept you close to my heart…you were always there with me- from dawn to dusk ,in my good and bad times …you reflected my emotions- glee, grief, solitude…you were always on my side and I loved you for that….for the perfect companion you were to me…

On the fateful day, when my health wasn’t at its best, I was heading home from work. I knew something was wrong apart from my illness (intuitions!!!).When I realized that you were missing- I was frantic, but was too weak to go in search of you. I was too tired to think of you, rather- I was sure that you would be somewhere around- the over confident me!! But as time passed and there was no sign of you....I was shattered… It was tough to digest the fact that you wont be there to share my life-pretty devastating. It’s been 27 days now and I am still trying to get accustomed to living without you… You must be with someone else now…they might be taking good care of you…I wish you fall ill…wish your hardware fail…and the person whoever flicked you from me- never get to listen to you… Meanwhile I am hunting for a better Ipod- a newer version… Anyways you were pretty old and outdated… I will get a better MP3 player!!!!

Mountain of Light.....

2010-06-02T08:52:00.009+05:30

History was never my favorite subject. I stumbled upon an article as I browsed the TOI website and the next thing I did was a little bit of research (me…research!!!). In the past half an hour or so, my GK improved-got an insight into history and am left wondering at the transition of our country from one of the wealthiest to a ‘developing’ or ‘third-world’ stature.
So, here we go…

63 years! After a pro-longed wait, finally the Archaeological Survey of India feels, it is time we get back-the precious possessions that we were looted off, by the British-including the Kohinoor diamond and the Sultanganj Buddha.Countries like Mexico, Peru, China, Bolivia, Cyprus and Guatemala will join India in this campaign-to get back the antiquities that they were robbed off.While these countries get busy preparing a list of the lost treasures, let us wish good luck to all the countries & to us!!As to what the 'accused' got to say-lets wait n watch....
Have a look at the article.

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/India/India-wants-UK-to-return-Kohinoor-other-artifacts/articleshow/5999070.cms

Meanwhile....a small talk on Kohinoor-"Mountain of Light"-a 105 carat diamond that was once the largest known diamond in the world. The Kohinoor has an interesting history and many myths associated with it. The 'mountain of light' has travelled a long way, from the mines of Kollur (Guntur dist, AP) till the Tower of London-where it rests on the Royal Crown, along with 2800 smaller diamonds. Before it reached the crown of the Queen of England, it had been under the possession of the Kakatiyas, Raja of Gwalior, Moghuls, Nader Shah of Persia, Ahmed Shah Abdali of Afghanistan & Maharaja Ranjit Singh of Punjab. It was Nader Shah of Persia who named the diamond Kohinoor. He was so impressed by the stone’s brilliance that he cried out “Koh-I-Noor” in Persian that means mountain of light.

The priceless diamond is said to have a curse associated with it. “Only God, or a woman, can wear it with impunity."
The kings who possessed it, suffered misfortunes such as death or lose of throne. Legend says that whoever possesses the jewel will one day rule the world and that no man shall dare wear it. The fact that, Queens Victoria and Elizabeth are the only monarchs who have worn the Koh-I-Noor and lived to tell about it- is a proof that underlines the myth. If the British monarch is a male, the stone is passed to his spouse.

Kohinoor has been a favorite ornament to all its possessors, and none of them were willing to part with it, in spite of the misfortunes associated with it. Aurungzeb made use of the 'Koh-I-Noor' as one of the eyes of the peacock, adorning his 'Peacock Throne'. On Aurungzeb's death,the diamond went to Mohammed Shah, who chose to hide it inside his turban. When Nader Shah invaded his dynasty, an aide from Mohammed’s harem revealed the stone's hiding place to Nader Shah. Shah tricked Mohammed to a ‘turban exchange’, at an official gathering –in token of reconciliation. And the jewel gets a new owner!

Shah Rukh, Nader Shah’s successor- had to undergo tremendous torture before he let go off the diamond to Ahmed Shah of Durani Dynasty. Misfortune reigned in all generations of the Durani dynasty- and finally along with the end of the dynasty- the Kohinoor was bought back to India, by the Lion of Punjab- Maharaja Ranjit Singh. After his death,his son Duleep Singh-who was a minor then,entered into a treaty with the British. One of the terms of the Treaty of Lahore, was as follows:-
"The gem called the Koh-I-Noor which was taken from Shah Shuja-ul-Mulk by Maharajah Ranjit Singh shall be surrendered by the Maharajah of Lahore to the Queen of England."

Lord Dalhousie was liable of this treaty. The diamond left Indian soil in 1850, when Dulip Singh, aged 13- was sent to England, to present the jewel to Queen Victoria. The ship that carried Kohinoor had a difficult voyage-was it due to the curse?
Lord Dalhousie's great grand son,countries like Pakistan & Iran- are others who have raised claims on this jewel. Britain has denied any requests regarding return of Kohinoor and has stated that they would not return it to any country, as the diamond was formally produced to them as part of the Treaty of Lahore.
Interestingly, the first Prime Minister of Independent India renounced the claim to the diamond. He said, "Diamonds are for the Emperors and India does not need Emperors." Well, India is a democratic country and majority would take those words as coming from one Mr. Nehru and not the voice of the whole nation.
Our country has many issues to deal with including poverty, and the acquisition of a precious diamond may not be of pressing demand. We may not have emperors.But,won’t it be nice to have a diamond -the worth of which can feed the whole world for 3 times-back to our country?...back to where it belong…..

Go Green!!!!

2010-04-30T11:08:00.002+05:30

How can paper bags contribute to the cause- “go green”- when its’ the making of paper that’s one of the main reasons behind deforestation!
Its ‘go-green’ day at my workplace & stalls are everywhere promoting paper bags. Irony is that; I saw few posters that has trees that says ‘please -don’t cut me down’. Quite a lot of paper has gone in the making of these paper bags –today- in this work place alone. Think about the paper wasted in the whole city, country, world….on just a single day!

Well, we are in a dilemma. We need to get rid of plastic from the system n the substitute is none other than paper! As we require more paper, more n more trees die!
May b we should try other alternatives than paper-when we say, “go green”. How about plant a few trees? Wont’ that be a better way of getting close to nature…
I have decided to get at least an indoor plant 2day…I know. It’s just a meager step. Still, I am not killing a tree, am welcoming a living thing in to my life…

Dogs & Me....

2010-03-14T19:09:00.013+05:30

A weekend, one of those days when you got nothing else to do-other than watching movies n eating junk food…Today, I was doing the same…There are things to do, need to cook dinner, take a shower,get some groceries…am just plain lazy…just cant take another step from where I have settled…got a bottle of water,packets of chips n a cup of almost cold tea…Am just back from a trip to Mookambika and am tired- yes I excuse my sluggish state….

Saw two movies- The Ugly Truth (gerlad Butler!!!!!!) and Marley & Me. And the movie of the day is –Marley & Me…simple movie, and Marley has touched my heart. Marley, the wild wild dog that would have scared the hell out of me-if I were to face him in real…off-screen..

Well, I am not so much of a ‘dog-hater’. I would stay a good 10 feet away from any dog that cross my path. I am pretty scared of dogs….well, it’s a story that dates back to a misty morning of some month in the year 19xx, when I was a school-going kid- who had to fulfill the duty as a PA to her grandfather. On a weekend, when I was relishing the last few hours in my cozy bed, I was woken up by my boss-my granpa, and was asked to go fetch-Paappchan, the man who taps our rubber trees. I woke up- muttering things I couldn’t tell on his face & left the house in a hurry.As I neared his house- picked up speed and started running. I felt light steps behind me and saw him…a dog, his tongue out and legs-much faster than mine. Before I put forth my next step, I let out a scream- one that echoed till my home…and started running, faster- cursing the dog, Pappachan, granpa, my fate….The chase was almost coming to an end- I could feel the dog’s breath on my leg and all I could think of was a ‘blood stained Me’- fighting, to let go off the animal’s claw. Yes, it had caught hold on my frock-my beautiful black frock- and where would the next bite land!!! I kept screaming and more footsteps and voices- felt the hold on my frock release. I was free……god…no blood, am not hurt- yeah my throat did hurt from the screams…The dogs owner apologized and I remember-staring at her so hard that she stopped apologizing. I started walking to Pappachans house, woke him up. News travels faster than fire and so did my scream. At home, I was inspected for wounds. There was a scratch on my foot, one that was definitely not the work of the animal. Yet I was taken to hospital- & injected!!! Since then,I can never remember me being nice to dogs, or vice versa.

I always stay-away from dogs. If I see a dog coming towards me, I would cross the road. I am scared to go out on walks as I am scared of stray dogs. My friends-who know my phobia of dogs-, would play with stray dogs- to taunt me. Things change, don’t they? I met Pluto, my buddy Ashu’s dog. The first time Pluto came running to me, well, I did not scream- but was terribly scared. I shuddered at each barks, got petrified -having him around. I got used to his presence under the same roof- and started being friends with him. I was no more scared of Pluto. It’s Pluto who made me think of the positives of having a dog. Back to Marley & Me… it’s a wonderful movie for all dog lovers. Wont it be nice to share your roof with someone-who would love you unconditionally, who would wait for you-however late you may get, one who wouldn't complain and would listen to all your stupid talks and would never interrupt???

Well, I think it would be wonderful to have a dog. A buddy who can always be trusted. Now I guess, I should stop getting scared of other dogs as well!!!

Acquaintances

2010-02-26T23:49:00.010+05:30

You are leading a peaceful life…nobody to order around, no commitments except for those at work….you are just free and your mind as light as feather…You are happy in your world, minus the occasional stress n strain. You crib about your work, of global warming, of other developed nations, of infrastructure. You live in another city-nostalgic about the green Erumely and Kanjirappaly- only to return to the urban life with a cry “oh, how I missed the Subs n KFC and Mc D”. You long for sun when it rains and pray for rain in summer .You are just full of irony, aren’t you?? On one such ironical days, am awake when everybody else is asleep….and, what you gonna read –my friend, is the result of my sleepless night. So, u better pray that I get enough sleep…

*********************
Well, this chap who hasn't uttered a word to me in all 4 years of college life, pings me all on a sudden. A smiley- which was ignored (don call me rude…I just didn’t have anything to talk to this person) Next day, a bold “HI”… (“ “).
You look at the social network sites and wonder at the new friend requests- have I met them b4? Is he/she an acquaintance?? I have this way of categorizing friends- best buddies, buddies and then acquaintances…

Talk about acquaintances…..There is this phase in relations when you wish,”oh, I should have never met this person”. Unfortunately, I feel the same about many people who came into my life. At school, college, work….everywhere, you make a mistake- choose the wrong people… Wait, it may not be some random people who just say a hi, bye or those regular just-for-the-sake-of-conversation terms. I am talking about those people whom you give that special place in your heart, whom you tag-the most trusted-most reliable secret-keeper, whom you consider your one-stop-solution to your entire dilemmas, the one whom you think-matches your wavelength. It’s all smooth and fun as long as you think its prefect. The word perfect, is one of the least applicable as far as life is concerned.

At some point of time…the color starts fading, wavelength-no more at synch; secrets just start bothering the itching tongue. The tag changes from the most trusted to the least in no time-from best buddy; to an acquaintance. You pity the amount of time you spent on a worthless relation and start withdrawing into your cocoon of ‘I shouldn’t have-s….’ So, it’s over. You start doubting your people judging skills. You take lessions on ‘how not to trust people’. You think twice, thrice…over and over before you talk to a person. You start being that extra cautious…Sum total of all these processes- you just got this scanner installed in your life- the one that beeps at everything and everyone ‘suspicious’.

Life is pretty strange. The person, who you are right now, is way different from how you used to be few years back. I can no longer laugh at the jokes which would have entertained me few years ago. The same goes to people, places and conversations. The younger me- was very different. Stupid-is the right word. And how I hate the person I used to be…. It’s not that I was mean or anything. Its just that the younger me made the mistake of making a lot of acquaintances- totally unnecessary, worthless and held them close to my heart. Believed -nothing is a secret in life and that you should just open your thoughts to those ears that acts as though- they are specifically designed to listen 2 u. I just thought…you ought to be honest. I still do think so….but with a slight difference… be honest to yourself first.

So, in a matter of 25 years, I have acquired certain gyan from my inner self.. Think twice/thrice/as many as times b4 you trust a person. When you make a friend, you have also made a prospectus foe. When you pour your thoughts to another ear-remember they are not yours anymore… Stop letting people perch on your life’s track- they might just cause you an accident, in which you will b the only one, hurt. Last but not the least….try to live in the present….

Fitness Mantra...

2010-02-08T22:16:00.003+05:30

I was standing in the balcony of our flat- wired to my phone.Facing our apt,there is a huge house-one that shelters an old man and a lot of dogs. The owner comes out of the house-all dressed up. He started strolling across his courtyard.Well, the house has a huge courtyard-one that equals a small park.He and his dog continued their walk. Me... all inspired-started pacing up and down the small balcony. It was tough, considering the limited space,tiled floor and my slippers. Still, I continued walk- silently challenging my neighbor.(PS:- I was sure, nobody would see my effort-there was enough darkness in our balcony).Walk n talk..walk n talk...walk n talk...
After all, fitness is all in the air...

Calling it a Week

2010-02-08T00:29:00.005+05:30

Incidents from the week that just ended

For us, a week begins on a Monday and ends on the Sunday. Life is a wait between the Mondays and Fridays, Every Monday/'Mourn'day begins with a hope...the weekend is not so far…it’s just a matter of 5 days. By Tuesday, “another working day (sighs!!)”. Wednesday: “Oh no, 3 more days! We should have a break in between these 5 horrible days”. Thursday is another day of whining and then comes Friday. All smiles…”it’s the week’end’ ”.

The week that just got over was quite normal. Few incidences…

One of the working days, Reached office….was walking from one building to another and came across a familiar face. Me, the conversationalist started off.
Me: Hi, wassup? Heard you were on leave?
She: yeah, went home.
Me: 2 weeks eh?
She: yeah, my sister was ill.
Me: Oh…hows she now?
She: well……..She is no more…..

I was taken aback. She was on the verge of tears and I was in one of those situations wherein you have no idea how to respond. As I was struggling to frame a proper sentence, she said a quick bye n left. I don’t think I would forget this conversation for the rest of my life…

***********
Dinner with my friend….
Venue: A restaurant that had a glorious past.
Dinner served. Poor quality food, pathetic interiors, bad service, etc etc. They wouldn’t provide finger bowl as there was no warm water!! Made a mental note, never to visit the place. As we waited for the bill, I got a phone call. The waiter came near our table. He asked me how much did I pay for my phone. I told him the price. The enthusiastic waiter announced that he has a similar phone and that he got it for a lesser price. “Oh…..Achha…..”, that’s all I could come up with. Probably he hinted that I should get a better phone!!! You see, I have a phobia for high end mobiles……

***********
Office again… Meet one of my senior colleagues, who promptly says “hi” every time we cross our paths. Communicator buzzed “hi ‘babe’, seems busy “
I just didn’t know how to respond. I was again at a loss of words….. cudn digest the ‘babe’ thing.
I decided to I G N O R E. Well, I guess that’s what works better in these situations. So much for few hi-s and bye-s.

***********

Weekend…

Met few friends and had a wonderful dinner. Chinese restaurant… tried few strange dishes. Am no fan of Chinese food!!! But had a great time with the people around.

Went to landmark in Forum mall. These days I like reading books by Indian writers. Found many books of the same genre. Bought couple of them. After seeing so may books by young Indian writers…am all inspired to write a book. But, what would I write on???? Am at a loss of topic now…

The week just got over. Its Monday already…. So, it’s the wait for the next Friday…

Its the groom "HUNT"!!!

2010-02-03T22:01:00.006+05:30

My cell phone buzzed…its just 8 am, on a Sunday morning…how dare someone call me at this time on a weekend!!!! My fumbling hands found the phone and the blue screen read “home”. Before even I could say a hello, words starting pouring from the other end. “B.tech, xxx nakshtram, 180 cm, working in Bangalore”….it went on…I listened with my eyes shut. “Log into Keralamatrimony site and check out these profiles”. I could envision my mother, scanning the supplement –that accompanies the Sunday Newspaper, devoted to the Hindu, Christian, and Muslim bride n groom hunters. The conversation paused:-

Mom: still sleeping?

Me: yeah

Mom: Its 8!!!(Very…unhappy)

Me: It’s a Sunday (whining)

Mom: hmmmm….. (It simply means, she is extremely pissed off)

Me: Will check the profile and call you back.

No response and I awaited the lecture that would follow. “devi, this is not how girls are supposed to be. If not by 6, try to wake up by 7 at least!!! Once you start your life at another place (that’s how she refers to my future -in-law’s house), you’ll learn. Be responsible, you are old enough…When I was your age…..”Well, this sort of conversation never ends….does it??? I listened, my eyes closed and wits- almost semi conscious. The line went dead.

Wake up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As usual, I couldn’t sleep after the conversation. Any talks with my mother (or whoever it be) that ends in a warning, kills my sleep. I turned sides, switched on my ipod..nah…no sleep… mom’s voice echoed in my ears.. She is hunting a groom for me and how could I sleep in bliss!!! That’s my job she is doing and I can’t be a spectator!!! So, I decided to wake up. With a steaming cup of tea, I sat in front of my lappy. www.keralamatrimony.com.... This is where I choose my prospectus hubby. On the right side of the page I can see the ‘success stories’ the site boasts of.

“Thank you Keralamatrimony for helping me find the one I was looking for all my life- Mr & Mrs X”.

The couple beamed in the picture that popped up above the message. So, this is happening right? People actually get married to those the site advocates -“this is your ideal match”. About 3-4 years ago, I would have laughed at this idea- of scanning profiles over the net and click on “express interest” and propose marriage to a guy. But now, being 25 and single- which is almost equal to an offence for girls in our society- leaves me little choice. Oh yes, I could bring home a guy of my choice- provided I satisfy certain conditions:-

1) The guy should be a Malayali

2) Well, to be more precise- a Malayali Nair

3) The stars w,x,y,z…do not match……..

4) The guy should have slight paapam in his jathakam…

(Nyone, remember having done titration in chemistry lab?)

Since I couldn’t find anybody that suits all the conditions put forth by my parents, I leave it to their will- the process of screening the profiles. Meanwhile, I have gained a lot of knowledge in astrology as well as the caste system. For instance:-

*jathakams can fall under paapam/shudham category-here opposites attract policy do not work, shudha jathakam can never match a paapa jathaam
*Stars can belong to three domains (gosh! can’t find another terminology) – asura, deva or manushya. Its better that the couple belong to the same domain/clan (clan sounds better na?).
Asura and Deva match : they might never get along.( My mom sites example :me n my dad)
Asura and Manusya (or) Deva and Manusya : an ook ooooook match….
*In the 'Nair caste hierarchy'…there are few sub castes as well!!!

So, now you understand why it’s better that your parents do the preliminary selection.

So, my mom does the initial calculation and then asks me to check the profiles.
Here goes the selection process:-
She scans the profiles of Nair guys over matrimony agents and newspapers.
Checks if the stars are compatible (educational qualifications too)
Later, checks if the paapam ingredient is present in the guy’s horoscope.
Calls me up and asks me to check the guys photograph over the matrimony site.

Now, the ball is in my court. I type the profile Id in the site and start search.
Wait for the page to open……a look at the photograph? (Well, who says looks doesn’t matter???)
If OK, then I proceed to ‘about me’- well, this is the tricky part- the funniest too. Some of the few intriguing statements that I came across:-
*looking for a girl who can cook as well as take care of the house
*looking for a person who will take care of me and my family, as well as work

There are very creative people who can talk in length about themselves and says aloud, “Your search ends here, I am the one”. I do appreciate their talent at selling their own profiles. But nah, such sugar coated words make me feel all suspicious, while the bold statements that says “well, I am this short tempered guy, looking for someone who can accept me as I am”-scares me. Oops!!!! How do I decide???

Well, I need to let my mother know my opinion. I give her a ring and convey my like or dislike. Again I enter a deadlock.
If I like the profile, she calls up the guys family and they get into discussions. They enter the next phase of checking the horoscopes. Now, the probability of the horoscope getting matched is inversely proportional to the probability of me liking the guy.

So, getting married is a process.
And I cant be a silent spectator to all these. Afterall, its the matter of choosing my person for the rest of my life :)

mA roAd to tRanSition…

2009-12-21T10:52:00.003+05:30

As my orkut scrapbook gets filled occasionally with scraps that ask me "is that you?", "have u changed a lot?" etc. I look into the mirror. Hmm… there is this new hair style (a far cry from the long braid that I used to adore) and I did put on a few extra pounds. Well, there must be more than that...more than just a hair cut and weight factors. Devi differs a lot from her yesteryears. From the girl who preferred the shade of her mom's sari tip to the girl who hardly gets a chance to be with her…. Devi has changed indeed!!

My life's drive was quite constant till I was 15. Winds of changes struck my life as I started my life away from home, the school hostel!!! It was for the first time that I had to be on my own. Learned how to survive without amma's guidance, started spending money on my own. Those were the first changes Devi underwent. But they were reflected in no form. That is, people other than me n my parents could not comprehend the changes in me. Hence no one asked me the question. Devi was a quiet girl who seldom spoke or went out of her house; according to neighbors, teachers and school mates. Well, she was not that quiet at home. She frequented picking up fights with her younger sister and her short temper landed her in trouble with her mother many a times. Thrashings were no rare occurrences. After I shifted to hostel, I was mercifully saved from my mom's fury, and the rate of spanking reduced considerably. That was a change I liked the most. To add flavor to it, as I was no more a permanent resident @ our home, my visits were more anticipated and the sisters fought less as Devi basked in the glory of being pampered!!!

As far as my school mates were considered, Devi had the image of a shy girl, who spoke little; read a lot (non-academics), one who often kept to herself and was a bit too scared of breaking rules. Talk about "scared of breaking rules"- my class mates found it no fun sitting near me as I would not talk while the teacher is in the class. They used to taunt me for this. I believe if there was an award for "the most calm n quite student" – one that I bagged in my kindergarten; I would have no opponent even in school & college. I was a constant user of the "shhhhhhh….. "strategy in class, for which I had to face many unpleasant stares. All these earned me the reputation of an introvert.

After almost fourteen years of a 'not-so-eventful' school life, there came college. Even college life began with less excitement. I was still the same girl with the long plait who let no one intrude her own world. There was this major change- freedom from uniform. I had to do a lot of shopping to fill my wardrobe that had a meager collection of skirts and pinafores. We had a dress code in college that stressed on girls wearing 'salwar-kameez' or sari. It was all shopping for that followed. I can't remember the number of dresses I got, it was fun. It felt good, a life without uniform and a heavy school bag. Still the change was all in the color dresses I wore and a couple of non-malayali friends. End of year one, I started talking to guys… he he.. that was one major change. The shell that surrounded me was slowly breaking.

It was in the middle of second year, a major woe started haunting me. I got permission from home and decided to end it once and for all- the problem; hair fall (severe) and the solution; cut it short. One fine Sunday afternoon- me n Sanju(ma buddy) started working on my hair. She started chopping. The hacking went beyond the limit that we set and by the time I came out of the room, there were all cries of "why did u do that?" ," u went mad?" – from fellow hostel mates. Sanju tried consoling me telling "it doesn't look that bad, Devi". Well, I did feel bad as I saw those long curls falling down on the white marble floor. So I had shut my eyes tight so that I don't see them falling. For some time, it was not that easy to manage my new pony. I missed those long curls!! But the hair cut did bring some changes in my appearance. But at home, my new appearance was not accepted. My grandmother scolded my mom for letting me cut my locks… many people asked me why I did that n stuff. As time passed by, they forgot that once I had long hair, they just got used to it.
After my engineering, there was a break of 3 months before I started my career. Three months at home went smooth, and then I shifted my base to Hyderabad. Hyderabad days, those are the most cherished days in my life. Life filled with fun & friends. Those days of chilling out made me much more "cool" :) ; as we say. Can never forget the day I got my first salary!!! N how I felt when I shopped with that money. Going out with friends, movies, trips, treats!!! God... life was really changing.

The hair cut, few extra pounds, and change in my attire were not just the changes that I consider significant. It's much more; the journey from the introvert to an outgoing person took me lot of efforts and experiences. There were lots of situations where I had to struggle with less or no support. There were times when I used to believe people blindly and think no one can be a 'bad' person. Life taught me otherwise, to take time before you trust a person and never let someone be a priority in life.

Dunno if the changes were for better or for worse. But I feel happy that I can do many chores unaccompanied; I don't look for a support when I am in the worst of situations and I have the strength to fight when I am in deep trouble. For an outsider it would be jus the change in the way I look, but for me and many who knows the 'real' me, its much more than that….

Bansheeeeeeeeeee

2009-11-13T22:49:00.002+05:30

Me & Spirits!!!!!! Well that’s a weird mishmash- for, ever since I had the known of the existence of this unworldly species, I am scared of them. The creepy sensation- of being followed, of being watched by a pair of strange eyes- is awful. Whether I believed in the existence of them or not- I was always scared of the unknown.
Spirits- do they exist or not!!! I have heard my mom talk about the ghostly experiences that her father had. Those half an hour long power cuts that we had (and still have) are times she would tell me stories of the spirits….

*************************************************

My grandpa was walking with his buddy on a bridge across the Pampa River-they were on the way home. They strolled in the beam of Moon light and a torch made of burning coconut leaves (I don’t know what they call them in English). He kept talking to his friend all the way, and the only response he got to all his talks was a long “hmmmm”. He suddenly turned back and then was shocked to find that he was all alone; his friend a good 10 meters behind him. He waited there- perplexed. Was it the wind growling in his ears or was it some’body’ else?????

*************************************************

Just behind my mother’s house, flows the river Pampa. As a kid I used to enjoy taking hour long dips in the river. Many a times my mom had to come with a cane to take me back home. I just love the place……so did everyone else.
My mom’s brothers used to play volley ball in the river bed and they would take a dip in the river after the game sessions. There is this rumor that many years ago; an old man- Paulose mapla- was drowned in the river. People say that they have seen his ghost take dips in the river. As these men dived into the water, there was this old man-taking a bath in the river. Was it the same Paulose mapla’s ghost that my uncles saw that day???? Well, till date-they believe it was him whom they saw in the river.

*************************************************

My mom was ill and she was alone at home. As she lay in the bed- unable to wake up; there comes our maid, who massaged her aching legs and made her feel better. She lay in the bed for some more time and then got up. She couldn’t find the maid in the kitchen. Later in the evening when the maid showed up, mom thanked her for the help. The astonished maid replied, “I did not come to your room”. My mom still has no idea who was the old lady who took care of her in her sick bed.

*************************************************
Well well… these are all the supernatural stories that I can remember :)
What happens to us once our breath stops, do we go to the other world- or wander the world that was all ours till we died?????? God knows, and yeah I would know when I be a spirit myself :)

No Entry!!!!

2009-08-22T12:49:00.004+05:30

Year: 2009Country: India (the largest democracy in the world!!!!!)

We live in the 21st century and we are privileged to live in the largest democracy in the world. We can break traffic rules, spit on the roads, park our vehicles just beneath the board that reads “no parking” and empty our bladder on the road sides-it’s all our right you see….. nobody

bothers you, except the traffic police walla- who needs your money to pay his bills.

Our country is developing, even the recession that shook the US could not do much damage to our nation-lets be happy. Our economy is recovering very fast and our country has some of the worlds richest. Month of July witnessed a sensational law passed by the court of Delhi- yes, the gay rights legalized. We are changing….
Year: 2009 (yeah, very much the same)Country: India (Still, the very largest democracy in the world)

Two of my friends stroll into a park in the city where we live (pssssssss…..its KBR Park in Hyderabad- those lovely woods- you see:-)). We have been making plans of going to the park for long. The visiting hours are from morning 10 am to evening 6 or so. We had been there last weekend, but were late and so we could not go in. Finally, two of us (happens to be a boy and a girl) decides to explore the place on a weekday, before they close the gate. They were stopped at gate and were denied entry. Reason- “couples are not allowed in the park”!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Both, being citizens of the very- sovereign, socialist, secular, democratic, republic India- denied entry to a park since they were ‘assumed’ to be a couple.

They tried to argue, but in vain. You never know when the security would actually use their ‘lathi’ against them. They left the place- fuming with rage, helpless as they didn’t know whom to complain. Even if they did complain- would they get justice?

It is plainly a violation of human rights. The constitution prescribes us the right to move freely (am not talking about trespassing). As per the constitution, we-the citizens are entitled to various rights. The Constitution of India contains the right to freedom, with the view of guaranteeing individual rights that were considered vital by the framers of the constitution. The right to freedom in Article 19 guarantees six freedoms- of which the following is the freedom that is relevant to our topic.

• Freedom to move freely throughout the territory of India though reasonable restrictions can be imposed on this right in the interest of the general public, for example, restrictions may be imposed on movement and traveling, so as to control epidemics.

As far as entry of a boy and a girl(ah…… we are all 25+, so it should be man and woman :)) into a park is considered, they were free to move throughout the park- that of course, comes under the ‘territory of India’. What restriction could one impose on them? How could two members of the opposite sex walking into a park be against the interest of general public??? These questions could only be answered by those moral guards who come up with these weird rules. Kudos to their efforts in safe-guarding the integrity of the nation.

But, what would they do if two men or two women walk into the park?? They could also be a couple. So, would they end up chasing all the people whom they taboo as ‘couple’ out of their premises? God save these people and their mentality. Meanwhile, let us be sure of the rights that we are entitled to- as people of a free & democratic nation.

Lemme stop blabbering and readers…. If u haven’t seen before, below is the preamble of our constitution (I remember having by hearted it in my Civics lesions)

WE, THE PEOPLE OF INDIA, having solemnly resolved to constitute India into a SOVEREIGN SOCIALIST SECULAR DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC and to secure to all its citizens:JUSTICE, social, economic and politicalLIBERTY of thought, expression, belief, faith and worshipEQUALITY of status and of opportunity;and to promote among them allFRATERNITY assuring the dignity of the individual and the unity and integrity of the Nation;IN OUR CONSTITUENT ASSEMBLY this twenty-sixth day of November, 1949, do HEREBYADOPT, ENACT AND GIVE TO OURSELVES THIS CONSTITUTION

2009-01-22T15:00:00.005+05:30

@ Home.........

Lunch time again n we were on our way to cafeteria. The menu, now almost by heart -- darted for the nth time in my mind. Suddenly a pang of jealousy struck me as I saw a lucky few carrying Tiffin carriers for lunch. (I do bring my lunch occasionally:-)) Home made food…... flavored with mom’s love. The good old school days rush to my memory. As quoted by my friend “we have forgotten how it feels being at home”.

Being @ home was never a privilege to me till my 15th birthday. After the flurry of board exams and the much awaited issue of results, I was going to my junior college. Well, the same old school and we were gonna ornate the clan of super-seniors there. But this year, there was a change. I don’t have to start from home an hour after the day break and I won’t be coming back just before dusk- for, I was going to stay in a hostel. I was no more a day scholar. The thought was exciting at the beginning. I was going to start a new life, new things in life always excite me and at times, I have felt the excitement undergo an early death. There was lot of shopping to do (and I love that part). Then it was all packing. Remorse crept into my mind as I was emptying my cupboard. I didn’t like that feel anyways. My belongings were tucked into a suitcase. On the d-day; me, my bed and my suitcase-as heavy as my heart and few drops of my tears found our way to the dorms of St.Josephs convent. I was trying to be brave. I am grown and I should not be crying. It took me some effort not to break down when my parents left, leaving me in a world full of strangers.

At least school was not new to me. Same teachers and quite a bunch of new faces- new classmates-all geeks:-)!!!!!! In spite of the excitement of being back in school, there was the solitude, being away from dear ones. I had an urge to take my usual school bus that would drop me right in front my home. But I was going to a different abode. I had to adapt to my new habitat-a niche shared by me and a set of new friends…Food was a real challenge. Our taste buds went through a series of tests with all weird combinations of food. I repented those meals I rejected for no reasons, in spite of my mothers pleas and threats. I was forced to hog stuff that I would have never thought of eating. There was nobody to wait for me with steaming coffee and snacks in the evenings. Food lacked the aroma of motherly love. It the hostel food that killed the much-acclaimed food critic in me (my mom no more believes the way I judge her food these days).

I was dying to get back to my people. It was a long wait- weekends…. I even skipped entrance coaching classes on Saturdays and rush home on Fridays. Now I longed for vacations so that I could stay with my dear ones. There was a time when I used to long for vacations that would free me from the austerity of home to the leisure @cousins places. But now I didn’t want to go anywhere.….. There were days other than weekends that I just had the sudden urge to go home and I just did go, there were times that my mom felt like seeing me and she came and took me with her, there were times when my mom had come all the way to give me a share of my favorite dish that she cooked. My place was still at my reach.

Two years went by and it was board exam and at the end of it was a long vacation-perhaps the longest one that I have ever had. I was back home- back to the pleasure of ‘being @ home’.
The pleasure didn’t last long. A few months and this time it was college. It took me away from my dwelling; this time-distance was a real villain. Weekends could no more take me there. Excitement of going home after a gap of six months (after 1st sem exams) gave me sleepless nights. Each time I went back, I felt like a guest. I did enjoy a lot of privileges –from menu that listed all my favorites to a full control of the TV remote control. The routine continued- the excitement of going home and the tear stained farewells.

Days have changed-college became office. After work, getting back to a place where I have no one to wait for……..my new abode. I am afraid I have forgotten how it feels to be ‘at home’……

2009-01-13T12:06:00.002+05:30

We Shall Overcome.......................

This has been a very remarkable week, one that would be etched in our memories for a long long time…… We underwent shock, tremor, disappointment and all the worst feelings a life time can offer. We were stared at; laughed at, misinterpreted… as few hands stretched to console us, many others tied their hands back and made sly comments on –‘how they would turn us off if we ever went to their doorstep, seeking employment’ (as though they were the only employers on earth!!!!).

The news of the chairman’s resignation came as a jolt. It was one of those normal days….I was at my desk, doing the regular chores. There comes this mail, with the news of resignation. I was at doubt as I had received a mail of same nature, few weeks back. I felt it was another bogus, but I was wrong. It was the bitter truth and to make matters worse…. the resignation letter revealed more dreadful things. A flurry of mails, communicator buzzing with chat sessions, a frantic search in the internet to get more of the news. Workstations came to a standstill and the air of uncertainty became dense… We were at peril!!!!!!!

Answering the anxiety of dear ones was not that easy, still tried to convey my optimism to each of them. Discussions were going on at every nook and corner. But there was a rare sense of unity. Smiles conveyed a strange sense of understanding, it said, “I know exactly what is running in your mind, don’t worry”. The day went on as usual, as reality sank in our hearts and there was nothing we could do about it… We decided to call it a day and walked towards the gate, blissfully unaware of the commotion at the gate. We have become the subjects of ‘breaking news’ in the channels & the headlines for the next day in papers!!!! The media swamped the entrance… making our exit difficult. Somehow we escaped the crowd and headed home…. unsure of the future that stretched ahead of us….

Our living room was tense; seven pair of eyes-glued to the television screen, and seven minds - disheartened on seeing the name of the company being tarnished. It was a post mortem on a being in its flesh and blood and still very much alive &breathing….. They spoke of us as we were non-existent… Satyam is not just a single person/entity- it is not just few buildings of brick & cement- spread across the country and the world…. It has much more to it… Satyam is the dream and hope of 53,000 of us and our families. It is the very fact that brings identity to the huge number of us…. It is the bridge that connects us to the outer world… we are Satyamites……very might of Satyam…

As we tried to be positive and optimistic, a remarkable number of people did their best to make us feel ‘cared for’. People whom we held with a great regard, proved they are not worth the respect. They were the tempest, all set to put off the fire we have in our hearts…. They enjoyed every minute of our disaster and few so-called ‘fathers-of IT’ in the country reminded us that “we are not even a competition” to their firm. Well, we didn’t know that and will sure keep that in mind. We felt extremely happy when the same ‘father- figure’ said not to take in any of the Satyam employees in his organization and that he ‘wouldn’t touch a tainted company like Satyam’. Hats off to the support you showed towards us in such times of difficulty. We shall remember you all our lives for your ‘ethical’ behavior and the grandeur you showed in each of your comments on us.
May your firm surge higher on top of our rolling heads, and all the best to you…..

Another strong supporter was the media…. Such creativity & ethics!!! You should be highly revered for the kind of moral you showed in reporting things in their ‘true sense’. You will never know how ‘comfortable’ our lives have become because of you. It would be highly ungrateful if I don’t appreciate the efforts of the ‘Times Of India’ in conveying our true feelings to the outer world… on the very next day after the Chairman’s resignation, you promptly put a picture of two of our colleagues- ‘covering their faces in shame’ and leaving the office cos of the fraud committed by our chairman. It might be a printing mistake, cos we’re sure that you know that’s how ladies travel on these dusty roads- their faces covered in scarf to avoid dust & sun. And on a daily basis, you remind us on the difficulties we face each day- as members of a tainted family…. Your concern in our well being has been very touching!!!! Looking forward to such continued services….
Moreover, as we walk towards the office entrance, we feel glorified to be in the lime light- cameras focusing on our faces and reporters rushing to hear our comments. We have never felt this important all our lives. You people ‘make our days’!!!!!

How can I stop thanking those banks who cut our credit limits- they didn’t want us to over spend. They were trying to advice us- not to be extravagant and pay proper attention to our personal finance. Such care is overwhelming. Thanks ICICI & HDFC. By the way, we do have salary accounts at your banks right? We shall remember you the next time we get a credit card.

This is a glimpse of the lives of each of us- the employees of the much talked about Satyam Computer Services Limited. We are the much talked about population of the country- terrorism & elections sidelined. You have the right to criticize, comment the way you like, write about us the way you like… do anything that please you. Please do remember that troubles are never biased. They don’t stay with a person/ an entity for ever. It will be on its round, covering people from all walks of life. When trouble comes to us, don’t think we will shy away. We are a bunch of intelligent people, who can think and act. We don’t need your sympathy. We the pillars of Satyam-who has been taught to be a leader ourselves, cannot be written off.

2008-12-03T18:59:00.003+05:30

MUMBAI:27th October 2008, Rahul Raj a 25 year old man from Patna,boards a city bus; armed with his country made gun ,takes control of the vehicle- injures a passenger. He said he didn’t have anything to do with the people in the bus; he wanted to kill Raj Thackeray.

"I want to kill Raj Thackeray. I have nothing against the passengers. Don’t shoot me.”

These were his words before he was silenced by bullets fired by the Police.
He was protesting against the attacks on North Indian candidates appearing for railway examination!!!!!!!!!!!!! He had to pay a heavy price for his way of ‘protest’. Can he be called a rebel? terrorist? maniac? As for the travelers in the bus, who were at his gun point -he would definitely be a terrorist.

26th November, the day whole nation froze while terrorists marched the city, gunning down people on their way. The day that told us how vulnerable our lives are. All we could do was browse the channels, not knowing which of those wagging tongues to believe. We cursed them- the terrorists, prayed for the dead and prayed that the whole nightmare would come to an end. As we ate and slept, keeping a close watch on the saga -there were many eyes that shooed away sleep, stomachs that craved for rations…minds full of peril, of being killed. Those trapped inside…… those waiting outside with hope of watching their dear ones step out of the danger…….those battling for the lives of the ones stuck inside.

This was something new… a new kind of fear. We were used to the bombs and hijacks, not of youngsters walking into public places, armed – ready to gun down anyone in sight. Kasab- the 21 year old is the new face of terrorism. None of us can forget Kasab, the daemon in him well disguised- in a tee & backpack, roaming casually with a gun. He looked all composed after gunning down lives of people whom he had ‘nothing to do with’.

Terrorism is not new to our country. While we have to fight with more Kasabs , we cant ignore the kind of Rahul Raj. Let’s call it ‘internal terrorism’. Imagine people walking into the streets- armed, to show their discontent. The lives of people in the largest democracy in the world are open to such acts of terror. We are now scared to go to malls, board a bus/train/flight, enter a 5 star restaurant. We wonder “where would the next blast be”.

While the Mumbai episode came to an end, we saw few politicians resigning in a hurry, making sly comments, laughing at the questions posed by the media. Is resigning the only option they had? Look at the politicians we have; a bunch of people with no common sense. A country ripped based on language, culture, politics & economy- is run by the most incapable of the population. Can’t expect much from the ones, who don’t even have basic education. This whole episode of terror attacks will be taken over by the opposition party as a weapon against the ruling one. As political parties wash their filth in public, the common man suffers with more acts of terror striking the nation.

The 26th Nov has sidelined the recent attacks on North Indians in the city. The anti- Marathi campaign has slowed down. Hope they remember the non-Marathis who laid their lives fighting the terrorists. Hope that the country gets stronger hands to steer the government. Hope the linguist differences come to an end. Hope another Nov 26th never happens. Let’s pray for our country and not just for the people who talk our language. Let’s pray for a day when we can walk the busy streets of our metros-Fearless..............

2008-11-26T17:52:00.002+05:30

I have a picture of Lord Krishna and his lady love Radha in my wallet. I worship him as guruvayoorappan, Kannan, Narayanan…... The main idol in front of the Diya that we occasionally lit in our apartment is that of Guvuvayoorappan, the lord himself. Well… if the lord were to appear in front of me one fine day; I am scared- I might be a bit disappointed. Cos the Krishna as depicted in Puranas is dark and the Krishna I saw in Nitish Bharadwaj, is not. As a child, Doordarshan taught me Puranas (in addition to theory classes by my grand parents) and as per the B.R.Chopra’s Mahabharat, Krishna is tall, fair and handsome. That is how I still want Krishna to be… I hope he forgives me for me being so harsh on him… I will deal with him later (perhaps a paalpaayasam will do:)). So, the thing is I won’t be happy if I find my dear Lord, in the color of the stone itself. I want him to look like the actors who play his role in the television sops. So, it’s all about reluctance to embrace the darker tone of the skin…. It’s bowing to the feeling of superiority that the white skins possess.

I am not a white myself & I hate getting tanned and I know it’s the general feel. All of us run from the heat and cover our faces in scarf and never forgets to bathe in sunscreen lotions. We are still in search of the sunscreen wit the maximum SPF. The reason behind the panic is not just the U V rays … it’s the fear of seeing our faces all deep brown that scares us. We know that we don’t look good with a deep tan; the beaches and those sun bathes are for those models n Greek god look alkies’. It’s for the WHITES as we call them…

I cringe to recall how I felt when one of those old ladies whom I met at a wedding reception exclaimed, “Look, how dark she has become”. My college education in Pondicherry left a deep tan on my face and even my younger sister reminded me to take care of my color!!! I was quite chubby as a toddler and as I grew up I lost fat and color. I got used to talks like- “oh… how cute u were as a child”. I didn’t know how to react to such sly comments. Considering the speakers’ age and my mothers whacking skills, my response would be a polite smile.

We have this uncanny fever for anything white… anything foreign… Perceptions differ from one person to another. Fair people do not fit my definition of beautiful/handsome. But I have heard people use dark/white as the general term to describe a person. “Don’t u know that dark, tall girl/guy?”…. we categorize people as dark and white. Given a choice to opt between dark/white, we would opt for the superior version- the white.

Those creams/face packs that claim to enhance complexion never escapes my shopping kit. It’s the yearning to be classified as the superior of the race… to escape the criticisms from wagging tongues, of being tabooed as ‘dark’. Nobody likes being a dark; we don’t have the privilege to choose our complexion either. I still marvel at the flawless skin of those whites around….. n sigh at my deeply tanned arms… Am I not a racial discriminator!!!!

2008-11-25T15:14:00.001+05:30

I am happy about the way things are going… besides the threats posed by the economic crisis there isn’t many things to nag my ‘easily disturbed’ wits. I do everything that would leave me happy; u might call it selfishness… but can’t help it…. End of the day everyone is in search of happiness right?
I was happy when I was in Bangalore too… but there were few things that used to really irritate me. Unwanted relations n a work place that had nothing to do with work!!! I was disturbed, yet was happy. There were such wonderful people around me who made me feel comfortable. I still had a sort of restlessness, one I tried to associate with my not so successful career.
There comes, my sudden transfer to Hyderabad. I thought it was such a disaster. I thought the sudden change would ruin my life. I wanted to fight them back… wanted to scream on their faces that I don’t want to go……. My protests didn’t work. I was like a child creating tantrums. The bigger ones listened to me, my protests and then tried to console me. They said it will be a good experience to me… blah blah….
To land in Hyderabad all on a sudden was no pleasant experience. Although I love this city I couldn’t think of going round the streets on my own. Luck was again on my side. I landed among a bunch of wonderful buddies. I didn’t have time to brood over things that I missed. I started enjoying my life in full swing!!!
I am happy about the way things were going on. I could do anything I wanted to. Then I had (& still have) the fear of being thrown out of employment when I see markets all over the world crashing…. I have a visa that’s three months old that keeps promising me an ‘onsite’-again; it’s just a promise. I have this fear of future n I forget to enjoy the present. I am happy but I cloud it with thoughts of my future. I keep thinking, of things that future has in store for me…. Of people who would join my life’s ride… of possessions that I would acquire in the process… of feelings that I would experience, would that make me happy/sad. I worry of things that I am yet to experience. I worry of the future that I am yet to see. I pay no heed to the laughter bells chiming out of my present life… I am soo dumb… I know I am happy today, but am worried, worried if I would be the same tomorrow…..

Am glAd- aM noT firEd!!!!!

2008-11-07T12:45:00.002+05:30

As the red light flashed and the beep sound came off, I was relieved… I still have the job. Feel happy to know that all the pains I endured has not been a waste .Waking up at 8 in the morning (too early u know; esp as we are at the threshold of winter season!!), making a hurried lunch and breakfast, dressing up, and then finally the eventful race to reach office.
Talk about the race… it’s a painful process of having to bargain with autowallas- three different faces. A share auto from the main road near home to the circle; another one till Hi Tec signal. At least they have fixed rates. Third guy is the villain. Some of them just don’t agree to come till our office- “waapas kaali aana padega”!!!!!!!!! so they just wont come because they wont get a trip back to the main road. And I board one of those rikshas once the driver agrees to a fare of Rs.30!!!
Back to scene one….. after a slight make up session I enter the ODC and then with a pounding heart proceeds towards the door. I hear the beep sound and the red light flashing and I am relieved. To my seat and check my mails in a hurry- no dreadful mails!!! I sigh again and then start my work.
There comes- those nasty forwards. I get reminded of war times- the term “firing” is a nightmare to me these days. 30 fired from Chennai, 20 from blore… etc etc…
Well well… it’s like a tumor that is spreading across the organizations- across the industry. And I am one of those -scared of the infection...
It might just pass like a Tsunami- destructing the lives of few. But hope says that I be left unaffected. I really hope n pray that I be spared- that I have this job; one which I have started actually liking in the recent times (cos of the fear of losing:-) ).
The week just passed by, one mixed with fear and relief. Fear of being fired and the relief of finding things intact- the beep sound and the red glow!! It brings soo much of relief….

I am glad, I'm not fired!!!!!

Almost Single!!!!!!

2008-10-27T12:58:00.001+05:30

Today is Monday, besides the hang over of a rather tedious yet memorable weekend- am back to office. It’s a lazy day here too, office lacks the usual buzz. There are few men clad in Kurthas-(its Diwali time)… many workstations empty. People sitting in groups and chatting. Me- am chatting too, on the communicator. There is no one peeping on my monitor, I can play games, listen to music….. Office is almost empty. Even if I say it’s boring, I love it this way- with no one 2 boss around. So right now I am listening to Roxette- “it must have been love… “ one of my fav songs.

The hang over of the weekend creeps in my mind… the Ramoji trip on Saturday. It was fun.. total fun after a long time… had a great time and good food too….

The highlight of the weekend was the birthday treat that Nikhil aka Pattar threw for us. Sunday evening, we set off…. Had a tough time locating the place- “our place” as it is called. Oh my…. the place was just amazing. My eyes wandered…. Candles everywhere, ‘diyas’ is the right word. Diyas lit at every nook and corner. The place was just… Err… Romantic!!!

The dim lighting gave the place such a dreamy aura. I felt truncated – I lacked the symmetry that this place demanded. It was so inappropriate to walk into such a place unaccompanied by the one who would complete the definition of the word- romance. I looked at faces around and there were quite a few who reflected my thoughts. So, those of us sighed deeply and walked in to the candle lit tables. We ate, laughed, had fun- it was a nice evening indeed. Still I had this “looking forward to the day when I would share this table with the real one” feel.

Life is actually boring when it lacks the special person in life. The one, who by my definition of love- is solely mine. The person whom I can cry to, I can laugh with, fight with, one with whom I can be my true self. Its not that I do not have anyone in my life to share my feelings- I am fortunate to have many ears where I can pour the deepest of my worries. Still I know I am not complete and the place reminded me of the sense of incompleteness. Life is just not whole without the romance factor in it.

I left the place, with the sense of single hood – a burden in my heart. Perhaps it was the place that stirred such thoughts in my mind. Yeah it was the place. So candle lit dinners and such romantic places are a strict NO NO to us singles. So what say u singles out there?????

2008-10-18T18:52:00.003+05:30

What a lousy way to spent 9 hours of a day…. Sitting at my desk, not knowing how to spent time!!! I check the communicator for the nth time today; I could not find any green light across the names- all are busy…. Wait… even I have the blue button against my name- that says I am busy!!! Me the liar….. so is that OK if I call those who claim to b busy – liars?

Wish I could get back home and sink into those plush bean bags- watch one of those witty Malayalam flicks or tap my feet to the tunes of the songs I love… not to 4get a cup of steaming tea (teas have replaced my love for coffee these days). Well, all I can do is, walk to the pantry and press one of those buttons and sip the tasteless fluid that comes out. I miss the pantry @ SDC. We used to go to the pantry not just for a cup of that fluid. Somehow the coffee/tea used to taste better there- it was the people, those lively chats that flavored those drinks. Here, I go out just to stretch my legs and then I dial the number that I know will always be free and talk- my mother. And then when I feel those stares on me, that clearly said-“don’t you have work”; I realize its time for me to get back to my seat and act busy!!! A quick bye, n then I get back to WST-009(that’s where u would find me)

It’s a Saturday today and I am not my happy self-. The reason- we are working (!!!). The idea of coming to office on a Saturday is just heartbreaking. Don’t feel like it’s a weekend again. Feels like I am going for one of those ‘special classes’ by Mr.Janakiraman Kadaka (those awful engineering drawing classes) during my college days. So, the fact is- the FRIDAY FEVER is just not there and I am mourning over the Sunday that would pass by giving me no time to relax!!
Weekends have become so important in life. Every Monday begins with a countdown- 5 more days 2 go n then it’s the WEEKEND!!!

Oh.. I have lost track of what I was talking about. It’s just that this piece of article is written at different points of the day- at different points when my mood was at varying colors. Right now, I am irritated; there were few issues that demanded my attention- few issues that has been left unsolved even after hours of googl-ing. I even scowled at people who came to me with queries. Why do u have to work so much on a Saturday :(
Its 6:28 pm and I cant go home now- there is this service provider guy from Delhi who is playing with our network here and I have to make sure that everything works fine after he has had fun with the set-up. What a job!!! All I gotta do is ‘ping’ and make sure everything is fine…

I can’t blah blah any more…. I began with something and ended up in something else. Someone is playing loud music here. Talk about office ethics!!! That too Telugu song- wish it were Hindi/English (fair enough- am not asking for Malayalam songs nah….). I gotta find a silent corner when the guy from Delhi- Aravind(nice name:-)) calls me. I hope the guy feels pity on this gal waiting for his call so that she can have her already belated “happy weekend”.
So, a day that appeared like “one of those regular boring days” is pleading for an end. Oh Arvind, please let me call it a day!!!!!

As she got married........

2008-10-15T11:16:00.002+05:30

She looked so serene….. was that the white sari that adorned her or that unusual glow on her face!!! Of course, it was her day- she was bidding farewell to her single hood. She was getting married….

I was overwhelmed with emotions that I couldn’t figure out- when I saw her standing in the altar, with her future husband at her side. She will be a wife in no time…. My little buddy was becoming a part of some one’s life. I know she has taken a step ahead in life’s hierarchy. And I stood in a stair- where we both once belonged, giggling nervously at the life that stretched in front of us. There; he tied that sacred thread around her neck and they were pronounced “man & wife”. All through the one and a half hour long ceremony I was thinking of us- our school days, the pranks we did, those silly fights we had, those bitter tears we shed, those hilarious jokes we shared… I know I won’t be taking a bus to Vaikom and, I won’t find her waiting for me at that house near the rice fields, in Chemmanathukara. I might hereafter meet her in a chat window and have a glimpse of her over the webcam. She would have put on a few more pounds by thenJ. Else we might meet in one of those busy malls or coffee day or Barista- somewhere in the Mumbai. Yeah, she is going to be a part of the Amchi Mumbai crowd!!!

As I scrolled the contact list in my cell phone- found hers and then before I pressed the call button- I thought for a while, is it the right time? Can I call her now? Will she be busy? And then I decide not to call and wait for her call…

Life won’t be the same for both of us. I can’t barge into her life whenever I feel like. I will have to be patient- knock on the door and then wait to be ushered in. We won’t be meeting each other whenever we feel like; perhaps if we were in the same city- things would have been better.

Life moves on and I know she will feel the same things I felt when she stands by my side on my special day:-). But nothing or no one can take your place my friend, your place in my life will always be yours- u can run out and be sure, find your way back any time u feel like- it’s always yours :-)

Damsel in Distress!!!!

2008-09-08T12:13:00.002+05:30

I was never a feminist – nor have any intention of becoming one. Men and women are different- physically, mentally, emotionally, genetically n in so many “lly’s”. Well, I am not here to quote the differences between men n women. I have had my share of experiences that make me believe in the “supremacy” of the male population. It’s true that women has even landed in space- but what fun if the common women on earth cant even traverse the roads on earth!!!!!

A weekend again and we- me n Glen (my roomie) decided to go out. We got bored of TV all day. Next question in line was- the mode of commute- auto/train/2 wheeler!!! After considering the pros n cons of the various options- we opted to go by the 2 wheeler. We left home around 5.30. Saturday evening n d city was bustling- crowd everywhere. We headed to general bazaar and got lost in d throng. As we headed back to the vehicle, it started raining- a sudden downpour that was least expected. We waited for the rain to cease- Alas!!! It was not gonna stop. And we decided to get back home- in d shower. No rain / thunderstorm can lessen the traffic in these cities!!!

Glen was having a tough time….. driving on a road that we believed; lay under the muddy water. We were soaked as the rain continued its boogie. Each drop -as hard as a pebble. We were struggling our way back home… As the ride gained momentum there enters the desperados!! There were two of them-on a bike; hooting and screaming in primitive joy. Those cries were in our direction. Two girls, soaked in rain- must have been a pretty good vista. They were right behind, and started following us. Helpless and desperate to reach home- we rushed, at times slowed so that they would just leave. Those leeches were all set to trace us all the way. They waited till we rode past them. Such creepy sensation- lord!!! Helplessness and anger welled in us. Meanwhile we by hearted the bikes number- and Glen asked me to dial 108- the EMRI, emergency number. That was all what we could think of then. I couldn’t take my phone out- the rain!!!!

We spotted a traffic police control room- the crooks were still at our side. Glen asked them to stop. I got down and started explaining the traffic cop about the situation. Those guys never expected this- and in a blink of an eye lid- they took a right and, they were gone!!!! Coming to the next character- the cop. Mr. Cop tells me that he can’t help us on this issue and asked us to go to the police station and file a complaint. We- glad that our purpose was served, couldn’t stop grumbling at the officer. I dialed 108 and explained them the situation- they took down the bike number and told that they would get back to me.

After making sure that those guys were not in vicinity, we resumed our ride. The shock and the rain, we were all numb. Never have I felt such happiness on the sight of the circle near Malaysian Township-the nearest landmark to our home. It felt so good to be back in the warmth of our house. I started checking my bag- that was awash. My mobile was working fine n there were few missed calls. I dialed them back- the emergency respondent guys. They wanted to confirm if we were safe... That was quite comforting – we know that these guys do respond in any case of emergency. We now know that we have these three magical numbers to rely- if such mishap occurs.

Eve teasing is an offence that is taken lightly. People take it for granted. Society thinks it is so rightful of guys to taunt gals, and so it’s justified when they laugh at/ drools at the opposite sex. No human being has the right to ridicule a fellow being. I do not know if they find delight in the vulnerable situation they find others in.

As I told in the beginning- I am not taking sides, not talking in terms of men vs women.Its jus that I went through this episode that made me feel so insecure despite of being a citizen in the largest democracy in the world. Gender differences do exist; eve teasing has become a part and parcel of our lives, many a times- we just don’t pay heed to the taunting and just walk away. Jeering at the helplessness of another is just not done.

2008-08-26T18:10:00.005+05:30

Say ChEEeeeeeseeeee..........................

I wonder how many of you belong to this clan of the population who think- a smile can work wonders in your life! I somehow believe in this theory and as a result I end up, smiling at almost all the faces that come across my way. Not just faces- I feel a message/mail/scrap incomplete if I don add a smiley at the end. Let the person on the other end perceive that there is a smile on my face when I text them something.

I have this doubt- does smile really hurt!!! There is this set of people, with this perpetual sour look-a look that says -“smile? Who? Me???!!!!!!”. Another set- they beam as if it hurts as they smile!!!! Well - at least I know you are capable of producing a smile… Some others think that the greatest favor they can do a person is -SMILE.

I am left confused- I greet people with a polite smile [and a wink at times:-)] and they don’t even care to respond? What is there in twisting the corners of your mouth wee a little so that you don’t offend a person who cares to greet you? It doesn’t hurt right? Many a times I have faced this situation- I grin at people whom I know and they act as if they are the busiest on earth- that they are left with no time to return a smile even! I swallow the smile that has almost escaped my lips – desperate to hide my humiliation.

Still I smile- I smile at the housekeepers at the office- and they respond, a shy one 2 being with. The security- who at times ease the pain of the thorough checking of my bag. The autowallah- who agrees on a share I suggest (not always- tough people you know!!). I keep my smile always ready – and lavish it on people who won’t call me a nut :-)

You may not always feel happy, u may not be in the best of ur moods, u may be in deep trouble- even I happen 2 face such situations. I have experienced my mood brighten with a simple grin. I look in to the mirror n jus smile at the troubled face I see there- I tell her “u look ugly wit this frown”. And then she smiles – making me feel better :-)

As the famous boy band sang
“Smile… an everlasting smile….
A smile can bring u near to me….. “

cOOrggggggggg

2008-06-23T12:03:00.003+05:30

Coorg is a place I always wanted to go. It’s been almost a year and 4 months since I landed in Bangalore and every time we thought of a trip the name ‘Coorg’ would surface – somehow the jaunt never happened. Finally it was planned on Friday, the 13^th of June (bad date huh!!). As against our plans we started late (thanks to the driver who took pleasure in annoying us). He acted as though he was new to Bangalore and we had to be the virtual drivers. We had this fear if we would ever reach Coorg by dawn. His way of driving assured us that we wont reach there as per schedule. Well, let me stop describing the driver- more on him to come by the end of the journey.

It was around 1.30 a.m by the time we left Bangalore. After a prolonged tour de Bangalore (Oh man! I can’t stop praising the driver who made us roam almost entire Bangalore before we finally hit the Mysore road) the real travel began. As per custom, we got down at the CCD on Mysore road. Coffee and chat for some time and then the journey resumed. Caffeine robbed me off my sleep. All I needed was music and then- I drifted off, to an inconsistent sleep. I remember opening my eyes to have a glimpse of the striking landscape- silhouetted against the rising sun. The second time I woke up to have a look at an unexpected intruder- an elephant. It stood on the road- challenging the vehicles to cross the part of road he occupied. To our relief there was a chain on his leg- that confined his movements. Couple of photographs of the mammal and a show of driving skills by the driver – we were on the safer side of the road.

We were heading towards our lodging – a home stay at ‘Suntikoppa ‘. The way to ‘riverturn’ home stay was a path in the middle of coffee plantations that never seemed to end. A flurry of rights and lefts and after a journey that kept us wondering “where are we heading to”- we reached the place and there was an outbreak of ‘wow’-s and ‘beautiful’…etc etc. The place looked incredible. Our cottage was on the bank of a placid lake, outlined by uneven patch of green land – I wish I could describe the place in a much more poetic way. But all I can say is, it was a real treat to one’s eyes. A place you would love to spend the rest of your life- a place that looked serene.

It was quite cool and we were waiting to be the last in the queue when it came to taking bath. One by one we got ready and after breakfast we started. We were heading towards ‘Dubare Elephant Camp’. We had to cross the river to get to the camp. Unfortunately we were late and the elephants had been sent back to the forest after the scheduled time. We roamed there for some time and then we sighted an elephant in the greenery and we moved towards it. I didn’t have the courage to go very near the animal and I saw it from some distance- while others went near it and clicked snaps. It let out a sound and I still laugh when I remember the way Reni and Arun ran away from the elephant. It started raining and we decided to leave.

Next destination was Nisarga Dhama- a deer park. A lovely place indeed- call it a bamboo forest...there were lot of monkeys around (in addition to the 12 of usJ). We fed those deer’s with cucumber. It started raining again; the sight of rain drops falling among the bamboo trees was alluring. One of the most beautiful faces of rain I’ve ever seen. River Cauvery flew along the sides of the park. It looked all beautiful with dense greenery on either side, trees that almost leaned to touch the flowing waters.

It was around 3 in the evening and we were in search of a good hotel for lunch!!! Finally we spotted one that we thought would offer good food. After a lunch that was almost miserable, we took up again.

We reached the Tibetan Buddhist monastery at Bylukuppe around 4 pm. We visited the shrine and it was their prayer time. The chief priest recited prayers in a booming voice- the place looked a sea of red and yellow. Out of the shrine there was a shopping complex with many stalls that sold Tibetan stuff. They appeared quite expensive and we ended up- window shopping. A short visit to a Tibetan settlement nearby in search of a local market of theirs- ended fruitless. It was getting late and we started back. A slight drizzle and the coolness of the dark – I gave away to the most inevitable- a good sleep :).

‘River turn Home stay was engulfed in darkness- no electricity. Oh no! What about our campfire!! Still we managed to have one in the premises of the house. We missed the walk along the lake under the moonlight. Reni made a barbecue out of potatoes, tomatoes (!!!J) and even jack fruit seeds. It was fun. Dinner was another disappointment- rotis as hard as the tooth itself, chicken that had no specific taste. a hurried dinner and we retired as sleep could wait no more. Early morning I heard mild tapping on the door, I heard footsteps, running water- yet I didn’t want to wake up. As I woke up, the first thing I wanted to see was the lake. I looked out of the open widow and then I could sleep no more. We decided to brush by the side of the lake. It was fun- sitting on the side of the waters and brushing- we don’t get 2 brush this way everyday :)

We got ready and left the place around 10 am. This place was the best part of the whole trip- the place I liked the most in Coorg. We had a heavy breakfast and then started to Abbey falls. The moment we reached there, it started raining. As the rain stopped, we started walking towards the falls. The falls looked great in all its might. Water, as white as milk- gushed over the rocks, spraying water on the onlookers.

‘Nagerhole wild life sanctuary’ was the next destination. We started playing cards- the game ‘bluff’, at which I was not good. After few rounds I got bored and I gave the cards to shabbu- who played the rest on behalf of me. We got too involved in the game and forgot that we were traversing through the sanctuary. All we saw was a couple of deer in the wild.

Kondal who lost the card game had to propose Reni. It was real fun. We all had a good laugh- thanks to the two of them. As the card game turned boring, we started on with ‘truth or dare’. Much more to laugh as one had to answer to any question that the rest of us asked.

The last stop was at Iruppu falls- it was already dark by then and the falls was in the middle of jungle. But the falls was worth a watch. As we stepped into water I saw a leech on my leg and then everyone started looking out for leeches. The walk back was a bit scary, it was dark and we were in the middle of the jungle-all we had was a torch. Fear of leeches and snakes, we were almost running back to the van. Before we got into the van, we were checking for leeches in our shoes and feet. Poor Kondal fell prey to the leech bite and blood kept oozing from the wound. Rest all- safe…

Back in the van – the game continued. Around 11 we had dinner. We were expected to hit Bangalore around 1 am, but our driver – the villain, had other plans. After dinner, on the way- he suddenly stopped the vehicle and went out; without even bothering to answer to our questions. We were waiting for him- and after almost 20 min, the hero re-enters- at a leisurely pace. The reason for the delay- he wanted to have dinner at his regular dhaba!!!! All we could do was- scold him (at his back- as we still had distance to b covered!!!). We reached Bangalore around 2.30 am. I reached home around 3 am n all I had was 4 hours of sleep – office again!!! Wish I had the option of “working from home”.

jAb tHey mEt!!!

2008-06-23T11:45:00.003+05:30

It’s been almost 10 months since I saw the movie- Jab We Met. Didn’t expect much out of a Shahid -Kareena starrer..as I was no fan of either. We went inside the theater without much expectation, but as we came out- we were all grinning wide

As the story progressed, I began liking the pair and felt sorry for their breakup… they both shared a real good chemistry on screen. This is one movie that never lets you experience the slightest of boredom at any point. I have lost track of how many times I’ve seen the flick, yet -I don’t mind watching it for the nth time again.

When I am in the most difficult of situations, I take tips from ‘Geeth’ (played by Kareena) - who has this knack of looking at the world with a rose colored spectacles. I never believed in taking lessons from a book/ movie- they were meant for sheer entertainment. But I somehow liked the way the heroine tackled her life. She lives her life the way she wants it to be, never worried about the consequences. As she declares- “life is my favorite game”.

She meets the hero- Aditya(played by Shahid)who is emotionally bust, make him enjoy all crazy stuff she does and helps him get back to a normal or even better life. Her influence changes his life – he who wanted to run away from difficulties- gets back to the middle of all problems, and tackles them with ease. Such influence –god!!! It’s not that easy to laugh at difficult situations and take risk proclaiming “life is my favorite game”. To take decisions so that if at all anything goes wrong, it’s no one other than us –to be blamed!!!

The whole concept of looking at life from Geeth’s point of view might sound impractical at times- but it’s just amazing to be a person who never let a frown spoil her looks. And that’s what I liked in her… a persistent smile and a personification of happiness!!! Isn’t it great to be that way?? No hatred in your mind, no negative thoughts, no confusions- just bask in the state of perpetual joy; with a zest to take up troubles as light as a giggle…

But towards the second half, we see a totally different Geeth- (am not talking about the Kareena with less/no make up J ).She’s all quite- when life hits her hard, when her decisions prove her wrong- she’s all silence- contrary to the bubbly girl she was. Then comes Aditya -to inject back the lost charisma in her life. The scene where she calls up Anshuman (the guy who trampled her dreams & broke her heart) and scolds him-is mind blowing; I laughed to my heat’s content (n still I do, every time I watch the movie- I just love the way she does that). My fav scene in the movie…

We were confused when Anshuman; who is all “J” of Aditya’s presence in her life- comes back 2 her with a lousy ‘sorry’. A confused Geeth, a supportive-yet disheartened Aditya and the ‘great’ Anshuman- who is the ‘kabaab mei haddi’. At the end, the desired hearts unite – leaving audience tap their feet to the number- ‘Mauja Mauja”.

fOOtLoose!!!

2008-06-05T10:29:00.001+05:30

Has dance got anything to do with fracture!!!! Maybe experts who would dare include a somersault or other mind blowing calisthenics in their performances might endure such mishaps. Me – an amateur; for whom dance is nothing but a form of recreation or fun; never thought a boogie would invite a fissure on my toe!!!

We were into the semifinals of “footloose” and were busy practicing. Everything was ready- tickets to Hyderabad-where the stage was set, bags-packed, all excited… In spite of many hurdles that came our way – from managing time to finding songs that would be in accord with the set of rules,costumes,props…we were all set to perform. All excited about the competition, all optimistic thoughts. It was on the 8^th of December, a day before we were to travel to hyd. Rehearsal was going on at full swing at my home. I was glad that I was doing better than before. Then it happened….my toe hit my friend’s heel with force, sufficient to cause the inevitable damage. The next moment I saw my forth toe at an angle of 45 degrees from the third. I was all numb!!!Numerous thoughts running in my mind—will this toe be like this forever? Won’t I be able to dance? How long will it take to get back to normal shape? ...god! I could see my toe-all puffy…

It did hurt a lot. I tried walking and I realized that it was a painful task. I gave up and sat down; staring at my toe-soo small yet it was screaming in pain & the cry reverberated all over my body.

My friends were in panic and they rushed me to a nearby hospital. I had a faint hope that my toe was just fine and that it would snap back to position and give me a real surprise (like what happens in J.K.Rowling’s literature ). But I was just a muggle and I had to go to a hospital. An x-ray confirmed my worst fears… it was a fracture. I won’t be able to dance. I was a picture of disappointment and there was nothing I could do about it. Call it FATE!!!

Still I went to Hyderabad with my team. We couldn’t make it to the finals. Still, we had a good time there, in STC.Oh! I just love that place…those training days, stay at dorms…missed all those people who made my stay in STC - a real treat!

I had this limp on me as a result of the fracture and it turned out that people started staring on my leg- maybe just checking if I were physically challenged. I had to answer a series of rapid fires – “what happened?’ for which my answer would be-“a mild fracture”. And then comes a -“how?” and my answer would be “while dancing”, that would leave a confused smile/frown on the questioners face. And then I will have to explain the whole saga for the nth time…

As with my limp, I got back to my normal stride … cant wait to start dancing again, this time –more careful, not to fracture a limb for a second time :)

Relations!

2008-05-29T14:04:00.004+05:30

Relations….. they are very special. Never know their value as long as they are a part of our lives… within our reach. Once they perish, u wish u had more of it. Strange!!! One such relation I forgot to treasure & now I do with all my heart and soul is one I shared with a man who took the lives long drive two generations ahead of me-my grandfather. I don’t know why he didn’t mean so much to me then- perhaps he was too strict, to the extent that I was awarded the most “calm & quiet” student in my kindergarten days . He was strict to the extent that my cousins never wanted to spend their vacation at our place. He was full of restrictions – don’t run, you might fall n get hurt, don’t shout, don’t make noise, don’t go beyond an earshot’s distance. He takes our name once twice n then there should be no thrice- we should be in front of him. God, I was so scared of him... not just me, so were the entire family & esp the kids.

I was in my 9^th std; it was the 7^th of Jan 1999. I was back home from school & as was the custom I kissed my grandpa on his forehead. I felt an unusual chilliness about him- he was unusually cold. I asked my mom why and she said she had wiped his face with a wet clothe. Moreover he was ill and we were expecting our family doctor. As he came my grandpa kept shouting orders –“open the door, get him tea, etc and he wanted all of us to be around him. As we stood there the doc checked his pulse and & sat with his prescription pad, reluctant to write anything. Perhaps, he knew… grandpa looked around, at all of us & asked the doc- “shall I lie down?” & yes he did. He took three deep breaths & that was it. A man who was shouting orders just few minutes back was no more… it took some time for us to realize what went wrong- it was hard to digest, the fact that he just died in front of our eyes .

As the saying goes- u never know the value of a thing till it’s lost. Here, it was him. Right from my childhood, a person whose silhouette eclipsed my freedom- for anything & everything-his permission was a prerequisite. Getting admission @ school, assigning me tuition teachers, dance classes, music lessions, progress reports, scheduling my “TV-Watching” hours-everything was monitored by him. I needed no alarm as it was he who used to wake me up-“study, its exam time”. He determined when should I wake up, how should I eat, whom should I play with. Talk about playing – he never let me go to my neighbors place to play n so I happened to have all elderly friends- our dhobi, our helpers in the kitchen. If at all I did any mischief (I don remember I did any) they would call him “acho…. Dende devikkunju adukkalel….” that was it… he would take my name with all his might n I would go in front him, shuddering as I know what would come next- thrashings!!! He would spank me with a cane carefully designed out of the stem of coffee plant (I used to hate that plant for that very reason). Kitchen was no place for kids n entering that prohibited area was a serious breach of law. He would be the happiest if I would sit near him and talk all day. He just loves to talk- about his school days, his childhood, the days he went hunting in the deep forest and the animals he encountered there. I don’t think any other grandchild know about his elder brother who died; after he fell from a speeding horse. I heard from my mom that I was the only grandchild who got a chance to sleep on his bed. He never let any…

The first person at home to have a look at my text books at the beginning of every academic year would be him. My progress cards were strictly scanned by him & to his utter dismay he realized that I was weak @ math. There started his hunting for a tuition teacher for improving my math skills. He would call me every now & then n ask, “What were u doing?” to which my answer would be “studying” and then he would reply “I was just checking”. My outburst of fury would make me close the door with a loud bang & then he would call me again & come close to me, look deep into my eyes and ask- “do u know who am i. I’m your father’s father.” Anger in me evaporates and there enters peril… :)

One person who knew the art of tackling him was my sis. She knew how to escape his ferocious stares and his caning (that was exclusively for me n one of my cousin brothers).

I missed him when all good things happened in my life- my class 10 results, me becoming an engineer & me being he first of his grand daughters to have started working. I knew he would have been happy n proud.

If today I hate being late, I hate to make people wait for me, I wake up when I know I need to, I fold the newspaper back to the way it was; many similar things that might look silly- it’s all because of him. If at all I have some discipline left in me that’s because of him. I should be thanking him for all these favors. That’s how he still lives in me- as the rules that he set to make my life a lot better.

mY bEst buDdy

2008-05-23T14:32:00.001+05:30

My new home

Somehow, I managed to complete 12 years of an almost solitary school life and then my parents decides to sent me out of home and I became a prisoner in St.Josephs Convent. It was for my convenience and not to tire me with the hectic journey to my school (which was almost 15 kms from my home); that accounts for my almost “skinny” appearance according to my parents and teachers...For the first time in my life, I was surrounded by strange people. I longed for weekends so that I could get back home.. Fridays never seemed to come! And within a blink of an eyelid it would be a Monday again. How I used to hate MONDAYS!!!(as though I don’t hate them now).

Slowly I got used to the hostel life. Right from waking up early morning when one of those nuns start ringing the “wake up” bell, to going to church for the mass before the sun comes out of hiding, to having to wait in a never ending queue for my turn to take bath, to having to have the dishes I hated the most for breakfast and the worst part…those study timings…when you have the strongest desire to succumb to a slumber …

I was in a different world where I had to face a lot of restrictions… and in the chase to cope with all the new rules and stuff I had a new set of people in my life….my peers…Litty, Linta, Tiny, Treasa, Preethy, Niya……quite a bunch of them…

The Intruder

And then there came an intruder into this gang of hostel girls…To be frank I was not so happy with this girl cos she appeared a bit arrogant to me. Later when she took off her high heeled shoes ,I discovered, much to my glee that she was shorter than me…for a person who finds being the first person in the school assembly line, the most annoying thing… this was indeed a matter of joy…That was all I liked about this new face. I was not so happy having her around and the least I could do was give her a polite smile when ever she came across… This was the last person whom I can have for a friend.

It was almost a week since she joined us and in spite of my pretensions I could not stop laughing at her hilarious jokes…she had a knack of imitating people (especially teachers) which we thoroughly enjoyed…The ice-berg was melting little by little…After supper we had a break for almost half an hour during which we could exercise our “talking at the top of our voice” skills. At times we can hear laughter bells chiming from the insides of the convent; even the nuns are having fun. Those precious 30 minutes brought life inside that otherwise gloomy, highly walled convent that spread across quite few acres. The merry hour took off the melancholy veil surrounding that convent. This was the time we discussed things n people at school…gossiping…teasing…what not…In those talks the main narrator would be her, it was her show…

Winds of change

All those chats and stuff got us closer. She was not my class mate but we became friends very soon…As friendship grew fights also became common…all stupid n silly fights that lasted for not more than a couple of minutes or at the worst few hours. She, the person whom I thought would never fit my definition of a friend was fast becoming one…the first person whom I fondly called “MY BEST BUDDY”->she knows that I am talking about her… :)

Now I know it was not my fault that I had a poor affinity to friendships. I actually never gave it a try. I have retained the friendship of the girl, on whom I had a ‘not so good’ impression -till date and I am glad I did. Should I believe in the saying that “first impression is the best impression” anymore? :)

Now when I look at my life surrounded by friends…so many of them who really care about me, who tutor me when I go wrong, who has very well adapted to my mood swings that before even I know tears filing my eyes-they slap me.. :) thanks to all u buddies…. Anju, Achu, Akhil, Arun, Anand, Raja, Harry, Goutham…. The list never ends…and I don’t want it to end…….