As my orkut scrapbook gets filled occasionally with scraps that ask me "is that you?", "have u changed a lot?" etc. I look into the mirror. Hmm… there is this new hair style (a far cry from the long braid that I used to adore) and I did put on a few extra pounds. Well, there must be more than that...more than just a hair cut and weight factors. Devi differs a lot from her yesteryears. From the girl who preferred the shade of her mom's sari tip to the girl who hardly gets a chance to be with her…. Devi has changed indeed!!
My life's drive was quite constant till I was 15. Winds of changes struck my life as I started my life away from home, the school hostel!!! It was for the first time that I had to be on my own. Learned how to survive without amma's guidance, started spending money on my own. Those were the first changes Devi underwent. But they were reflected in no form. That is, people other than me n my parents could not comprehend the changes in me. Hence no one asked me the question. Devi was a quiet girl who seldom spoke or went out of her house; according to neighbors, teachers and school mates. Well, she was not that quiet at home. She frequented picking up fights with her younger sister and her short temper landed her in trouble with her mother many a times. Thrashings were no rare occurrences. After I shifted to hostel, I was mercifully saved from my mom's fury, and the rate of spanking reduced considerably. That was a change I liked the most. To add flavor to it, as I was no more a permanent resident @ our home, my visits were more anticipated and the sisters fought less as Devi basked in the glory of being pampered!!!
As far as my school mates were considered, Devi had the image of a shy girl, who spoke little; read a lot (non-academics), one who often kept to herself and was a bit too scared of breaking rules. Talk about "scared of breaking rules"- my class mates found it no fun sitting near me as I would not talk while the teacher is in the class. They used to taunt me for this. I believe if there was an award for "the most calm n quite student" – one that I bagged in my kindergarten; I would have no opponent even in school & college. I was a constant user of the "shhhhhhh….. "strategy in class, for which I had to face many unpleasant stares. All these earned me the reputation of an introvert.
After almost fourteen years of a 'not-so-eventful' school life, there came college. Even college life began with less excitement. I was still the same girl with the long plait who let no one intrude her own world. There was this major change- freedom from uniform. I had to do a lot of shopping to fill my wardrobe that had a meager collection of skirts and pinafores. We had a dress code in college that stressed on girls wearing 'salwar-kameez' or sari. It was all shopping for that followed. I can't remember the number of dresses I got, it was fun. It felt good, a life without uniform and a heavy school bag. Still the change was all in the color dresses I wore and a couple of non-malayali friends. End of year one, I started talking to guys… he he.. that was one major change. The shell that surrounded me was slowly breaking.
It was in the middle of second year, a major woe started haunting me. I got permission from home and decided to end it once and for all- the problem; hair fall (severe) and the solution; cut it short. One fine Sunday afternoon- me n Sanju(ma buddy) started working on my hair. She started chopping. The hacking went beyond the limit that we set and by the time I came out of the room, there were all cries of "why did u do that?" ," u went mad?" – from fellow hostel mates. Sanju tried consoling me telling "it doesn't look that bad, Devi". Well, I did feel bad as I saw those long curls falling down on the white marble floor. So I had shut my eyes tight so that I don't see them falling. For some time, it was not that easy to manage my new pony. I missed those long curls!! But the hair cut did bring some changes in my appearance. But at home, my new appearance was not accepted. My grandmother scolded my mom for letting me cut my locks… many people asked me why I did that n stuff. As time passed by, they forgot that once I had long hair, they just got used to it.
After my engineering, there was a break of 3 months before I started my career. Three months at home went smooth, and then I shifted my base to Hyderabad. Hyderabad days, those are the most cherished days in my life. Life filled with fun & friends. Those days of chilling out made me much more "cool" :) ; as we say. Can never forget the day I got my first salary!!! N how I felt when I shopped with that money. Going out with friends, movies, trips, treats!!! God... life was really changing.
The hair cut, few extra pounds, and change in my attire were not just the changes that I consider significant. It's much more; the journey from the introvert to an outgoing person took me lot of efforts and experiences. There were lots of situations where I had to struggle with less or no support. There were times when I used to believe people blindly and think no one can be a 'bad' person. Life taught me otherwise, to take time before you trust a person and never let someone be a priority in life.
Dunno if the changes were for better or for worse. But I feel happy that I can do many chores unaccompanied; I don't look for a support when I am in the worst of situations and I have the strength to fight when I am in deep trouble. For an outsider it would be jus the change in the way I look, but for me and many who knows the 'real' me, its much more than that….
