mA roAd to tRanSition…

As my orkut scrapbook gets filled occasionally with scraps that ask me "is that you?", "have u changed a lot?" etc. I look into the mirror. Hmm… there is this new hair style (a far cry from the long braid that I used to adore) and I did put on a few extra pounds. Well, there must be more than that...more than just a hair cut and weight factors. Devi differs a lot from her yesteryears. From the girl who preferred the shade of her mom's sari tip to the girl who hardly gets a chance to be with her…. Devi has changed indeed!!

My life's drive was quite constant till I was 15. Winds of changes struck my life as I started my life away from home, the school hostel!!! It was for the first time that I had to be on my own. Learned how to survive without amma's guidance, started spending money on my own. Those were the first changes Devi underwent. But they were reflected in no form. That is, people other than me n my parents could not comprehend the changes in me. Hence no one asked me the question. Devi was a quiet girl who seldom spoke or went out of her house; according to neighbors, teachers and school mates. Well, she was not that quiet at home. She frequented picking up fights with her younger sister and her short temper landed her in trouble with her mother many a times. Thrashings were no rare occurrences. After I shifted to hostel, I was mercifully saved from my mom's fury, and the rate of spanking reduced considerably. That was a change I liked the most. To add flavor to it, as I was no more a permanent resident @ our home, my visits were more anticipated and the sisters fought less as Devi basked in the glory of being pampered!!!

As far as my school mates were considered, Devi had the image of a shy girl, who spoke little; read a lot (non-academics), one who often kept to herself and was a bit too scared of breaking rules. Talk about "scared of breaking rules"- my class mates found it no fun sitting near me as I would not talk while the teacher is in the class. They used to taunt me for this. I believe if there was an award for "the most calm n quite student" – one that I bagged in my kindergarten; I would have no opponent even in school & college. I was a constant user of the "shhhhhhh….. "strategy in class, for which I had to face many unpleasant stares. All these earned me the reputation of an introvert.

After almost fourteen years of a 'not-so-eventful' school life, there came college. Even college life began with less excitement. I was still the same girl with the long plait who let no one intrude her own world. There was this major change- freedom from uniform. I had to do a lot of shopping to fill my wardrobe that had a meager collection of skirts and pinafores. We had a dress code in college that stressed on girls wearing 'salwar-kameez' or sari. It was all shopping for that followed. I can't remember the number of dresses I got, it was fun. It felt good, a life without uniform and a heavy school bag. Still the change was all in the color dresses I wore and a couple of non-malayali friends. End of year one, I started talking to guys… he he.. that was one major change. The shell that surrounded me was slowly breaking.

It was in the middle of second year, a major woe started haunting me. I got permission from home and decided to end it once and for all- the problem; hair fall (severe) and the solution; cut it short. One fine Sunday afternoon- me n Sanju(ma buddy) started working on my hair. She started chopping. The hacking went beyond the limit that we set and by the time I came out of the room, there were all cries of "why did u do that?" ," u went mad?" – from fellow hostel mates. Sanju tried consoling me telling "it doesn't look that bad, Devi". Well, I did feel bad as I saw those long curls falling down on the white marble floor. So I had shut my eyes tight so that I don't see them falling. For some time, it was not that easy to manage my new pony. I missed those long curls!! But the hair cut did bring some changes in my appearance. But at home, my new appearance was not accepted. My grandmother scolded my mom for letting me cut my locks… many people asked me why I did that n stuff. As time passed by, they forgot that once I had long hair, they just got used to it.
After my engineering, there was a break of 3 months before I started my career. Three months at home went smooth, and then I shifted my base to Hyderabad. Hyderabad days, those are the most cherished days in my life. Life filled with fun & friends. Those days of chilling out made me much more "cool" :) ; as we say. Can never forget the day I got my first salary!!! N how I felt when I shopped with that money. Going out with friends, movies, trips, treats!!! God... life was really changing.

The hair cut, few extra pounds, and change in my attire were not just the changes that I consider significant. It's much more; the journey from the introvert to an outgoing person took me lot of efforts and experiences. There were lots of situations where I had to struggle with less or no support. There were times when I used to believe people blindly and think no one can be a 'bad' person. Life taught me otherwise, to take time before you trust a person and never let someone be a priority in life.

Dunno if the changes were for better or for worse. But I feel happy that I can do many chores unaccompanied; I don't look for a support when I am in the worst of situations and I have the strength to fight when I am in deep trouble. For an outsider it would be jus the change in the way I look, but for me and many who knows the 'real' me, its much more than that….

Bansheeeeeeeeeee

Me & Spirits!!!!!! Well that’s a weird mishmash- for, ever since I had the known of the existence of this unworldly species, I am scared of them. The creepy sensation- of being followed, of being watched by a pair of strange eyes- is awful. Whether I believed in the existence of them or not- I was always scared of the unknown.
Spirits- do they exist or not!!! I have heard my mom talk about the ghostly experiences that her father had. Those half an hour long power cuts that we had (and still have) are times she would tell me stories of the spirits….

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My grandpa was walking with his buddy on a bridge across the Pampa River-they were on the way home. They strolled in the beam of Moon light and a torch made of burning coconut leaves (I don’t know what they call them in English). He kept talking to his friend all the way, and the only response he got to all his talks was a long “hmmmm”. He suddenly turned back and then was shocked to find that he was all alone; his friend a good 10 meters behind him. He waited there- perplexed. Was it the wind growling in his ears or was it some’body’ else?????

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Just behind my mother’s house, flows the river Pampa. As a kid I used to enjoy taking hour long dips in the river. Many a times my mom had to come with a cane to take me back home. I just love the place……so did everyone else.
My mom’s brothers used to play volley ball in the river bed and they would take a dip in the river after the game sessions. There is this rumor that many years ago; an old man- Paulose mapla- was drowned in the river. People say that they have seen his ghost take dips in the river. As these men dived into the water, there was this old man-taking a bath in the river. Was it the same Paulose mapla’s ghost that my uncles saw that day???? Well, till date-they believe it was him whom they saw in the river.

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My mom was ill and she was alone at home. As she lay in the bed- unable to wake up; there comes our maid, who massaged her aching legs and made her feel better. She lay in the bed for some more time and then got up. She couldn’t find the maid in the kitchen. Later in the evening when the maid showed up, mom thanked her for the help. The astonished maid replied, “I did not come to your room”. My mom still has no idea who was the old lady who took care of her in her sick bed.

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Well well… these are all the supernatural stories that I can remember :)
What happens to us once our breath stops, do we go to the other world- or wander the world that was all ours till we died?????? God knows, and yeah I would know when I be a spirit myself :)

No Entry!!!!

Year: 2009Country: India (the largest democracy in the world!!!!!)

We live in the 21st century and we are privileged to live in the largest democracy in the world. We can break traffic rules, spit on the roads, park our vehicles just beneath the board that reads “no parking” and empty our bladder on the road sides-it’s all our right you see….. nobody

bothers you, except the traffic police walla- who needs your money to pay his bills.

Our country is developing, even the recession that shook the US could not do much damage to our nation-lets be happy. Our economy is recovering very fast and our country has some of the worlds richest. Month of July witnessed a sensational law passed by the court of Delhi- yes, the gay rights legalized. We are changing….
Year: 2009 (yeah, very much the same)Country: India (Still, the very largest democracy in the world)

Two of my friends stroll into a park in the city where we live (pssssssss…..its KBR Park in Hyderabad- those lovely woods- you see:-)). We have been making plans of going to the park for long. The visiting hours are from morning 10 am to evening 6 or so. We had been there last weekend, but were late and so we could not go in. Finally, two of us (happens to be a boy and a girl) decides to explore the place on a weekday, before they close the gate. They were stopped at gate and were denied entry. Reason- “couples are not allowed in the park”!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Both, being citizens of the very- sovereign, socialist, secular, democratic, republic India- denied entry to a park since they were ‘assumed’ to be a couple.

They tried to argue, but in vain. You never know when the security would actually use their ‘lathi’ against them. They left the place- fuming with rage, helpless as they didn’t know whom to complain. Even if they did complain- would they get justice?

It is plainly a violation of human rights. The constitution prescribes us the right to move freely (am not talking about trespassing). As per the constitution, we-the citizens are entitled to various rights. The Constitution of India contains the right to freedom, with the view of guaranteeing individual rights that were considered vital by the framers of the constitution. The right to freedom in Article 19 guarantees six freedoms- of which the following is the freedom that is relevant to our topic.

• Freedom to move freely throughout the territory of India though reasonable restrictions can be imposed on this right in the interest of the general public, for example, restrictions may be imposed on movement and traveling, so as to control epidemics.

As far as entry of a boy and a girl(ah…… we are all 25+, so it should be man and woman :)) into a park is considered, they were free to move throughout the park- that of course, comes under the ‘territory of India’. What restriction could one impose on them? How could two members of the opposite sex walking into a park be against the interest of general public??? These questions could only be answered by those moral guards who come up with these weird rules. Kudos to their efforts in safe-guarding the integrity of the nation.

But, what would they do if two men or two women walk into the park?? They could also be a couple. So, would they end up chasing all the people whom they taboo as ‘couple’ out of their premises? God save these people and their mentality. Meanwhile, let us be sure of the rights that we are entitled to- as people of a free & democratic nation.

Lemme stop blabbering and readers…. If u haven’t seen before, below is the preamble of our constitution (I remember having by hearted it in my Civics lesions)

WE, THE PEOPLE OF INDIA, having solemnly resolved to constitute India into a SOVEREIGN SOCIALIST SECULAR DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC and to secure to all its citizens:JUSTICE, social, economic and politicalLIBERTY of thought, expression, belief, faith and worshipEQUALITY of status and of opportunity;and to promote among them allFRATERNITY assuring the dignity of the individual and the unity and integrity of the Nation;IN OUR CONSTITUENT ASSEMBLY this twenty-sixth day of November, 1949, do HEREBYADOPT, ENACT AND GIVE TO OURSELVES THIS CONSTITUTION

@ Home.........

Lunch time again n we were on our way to cafeteria. The menu, now almost by heart -- darted for the nth time in my mind. Suddenly a pang of jealousy struck me as I saw a lucky few carrying Tiffin carriers for lunch. (I do bring my lunch occasionally:-)) Home made food…... flavored with mom’s love. The good old school days rush to my memory. As quoted by my friend “we have forgotten how it feels being at home”.

Being @ home was never a privilege to me till my 15th birthday. After the flurry of board exams and the much awaited issue of results, I was going to my junior college. Well, the same old school and we were gonna ornate the clan of super-seniors there. But this year, there was a change. I don’t have to start from home an hour after the day break and I won’t be coming back just before dusk- for, I was going to stay in a hostel. I was no more a day scholar. The thought was exciting at the beginning. I was going to start a new life, new things in life always excite me and at times, I have felt the excitement undergo an early death. There was lot of shopping to do (and I love that part). Then it was all packing. Remorse crept into my mind as I was emptying my cupboard. I didn’t like that feel anyways. My belongings were tucked into a suitcase. On the d-day; me, my bed and my suitcase-as heavy as my heart and few drops of my tears found our way to the dorms of St.Josephs convent. I was trying to be brave. I am grown and I should not be crying. It took me some effort not to break down when my parents left, leaving me in a world full of strangers.

At least school was not new to me. Same teachers and quite a bunch of new faces- new classmates-all geeks:-)!!!!!! In spite of the excitement of being back in school, there was the solitude, being away from dear ones. I had an urge to take my usual school bus that would drop me right in front my home. But I was going to a different abode. I had to adapt to my new habitat-a niche shared by me and a set of new friends…Food was a real challenge. Our taste buds went through a series of tests with all weird combinations of food. I repented those meals I rejected for no reasons, in spite of my mothers pleas and threats. I was forced to hog stuff that I would have never thought of eating. There was nobody to wait for me with steaming coffee and snacks in the evenings. Food lacked the aroma of motherly love. It the hostel food that killed the much-acclaimed food critic in me (my mom no more believes the way I judge her food these days).

I was dying to get back to my people. It was a long wait- weekends…. I even skipped entrance coaching classes on Saturdays and rush home on Fridays. Now I longed for vacations so that I could stay with my dear ones. There was a time when I used to long for vacations that would free me from the austerity of home to the leisure @cousins places. But now I didn’t want to go anywhere.….. There were days other than weekends that I just had the sudden urge to go home and I just did go, there were times that my mom felt like seeing me and she came and took me with her, there were times when my mom had come all the way to give me a share of my favorite dish that she cooked. My place was still at my reach.

Two years went by and it was board exam and at the end of it was a long vacation-perhaps the longest one that I have ever had. I was back home- back to the pleasure of ‘being @ home’.
The pleasure didn’t last long. A few months and this time it was college. It took me away from my dwelling; this time-distance was a real villain. Weekends could no more take me there. Excitement of going home after a gap of six months (after 1st sem exams) gave me sleepless nights. Each time I went back, I felt like a guest. I did enjoy a lot of privileges –from menu that listed all my favorites to a full control of the TV remote control. The routine continued- the excitement of going home and the tear stained farewells.

Days have changed-college became office. After work, getting back to a place where I have no one to wait for……..my new abode. I am afraid I have forgotten how it feels to be ‘at home’……

We Shall Overcome.......................


This has been a very remarkable week, one that would be etched in our memories for a long long time…… We underwent shock, tremor, disappointment and all the worst feelings a life time can offer. We were stared at; laughed at, misinterpreted… as few hands stretched to console us, many others tied their hands back and made sly comments on –‘how they would turn us off if we ever went to their doorstep, seeking employment’ (as though they were the only employers on earth!!!!).

The news of the chairman’s resignation came as a jolt. It was one of those normal days….I was at my desk, doing the regular chores. There comes this mail, with the news of resignation. I was at doubt as I had received a mail of same nature, few weeks back. I felt it was another bogus, but I was wrong. It was the bitter truth and to make matters worse…. the resignation letter revealed more dreadful things. A flurry of mails, communicator buzzing with chat sessions, a frantic search in the internet to get more of the news. Workstations came to a standstill and the air of uncertainty became dense… We were at peril!!!!!!!

Answering the anxiety of dear ones was not that easy, still tried to convey my optimism to each of them. Discussions were going on at every nook and corner. But there was a rare sense of unity. Smiles conveyed a strange sense of understanding, it said, “I know exactly what is running in your mind, don’t worry”. The day went on as usual, as reality sank in our hearts and there was nothing we could do about it… We decided to call it a day and walked towards the gate, blissfully unaware of the commotion at the gate. We have become the subjects of ‘breaking news’ in the channels & the headlines for the next day in papers!!!! The media swamped the entrance… making our exit difficult. Somehow we escaped the crowd and headed home…. unsure of the future that stretched ahead of us….

Our living room was tense; seven pair of eyes-glued to the television screen, and seven minds - disheartened on seeing the name of the company being tarnished. It was a post mortem on a being in its flesh and blood and still very much alive &breathing….. They spoke of us as we were non-existent… Satyam is not just a single person/entity- it is not just few buildings of brick & cement- spread across the country and the world…. It has much more to it… Satyam is the dream and hope of 53,000 of us and our families. It is the very fact that brings identity to the huge number of us…. It is the bridge that connects us to the outer world… we are Satyamites……very might of Satyam…

As we tried to be positive and optimistic, a remarkable number of people did their best to make us feel ‘cared for’. People whom we held with a great regard, proved they are not worth the respect. They were the tempest, all set to put off the fire we have in our hearts…. They enjoyed every minute of our disaster and few so-called ‘fathers-of IT’ in the country reminded us that “we are not even a competition” to their firm. Well, we didn’t know that and will sure keep that in mind. We felt extremely happy when the same ‘father- figure’ said not to take in any of the Satyam employees in his organization and that he ‘wouldn’t touch a tainted company like Satyam’. Hats off to the support you showed towards us in such times of difficulty. We shall remember you all our lives for your ‘ethical’ behavior and the grandeur you showed in each of your comments on us.
May your firm surge higher on top of our rolling heads, and all the best to you…..

Another strong supporter was the media…. Such creativity & ethics!!! You should be highly revered for the kind of moral you showed in reporting things in their ‘true sense’. You will never know how ‘comfortable’ our lives have become because of you. It would be highly ungrateful if I don’t appreciate the efforts of the ‘Times Of India’ in conveying our true feelings to the outer world… on the very next day after the Chairman’s resignation, you promptly put a picture of two of our colleagues- ‘covering their faces in shame’ and leaving the office cos of the fraud committed by our chairman. It might be a printing mistake, cos we’re sure that you know that’s how ladies travel on these dusty roads- their faces covered in scarf to avoid dust & sun. And on a daily basis, you remind us on the difficulties we face each day- as members of a tainted family…. Your concern in our well being has been very touching!!!! Looking forward to such continued services….
Moreover, as we walk towards the office entrance, we feel glorified to be in the lime light- cameras focusing on our faces and reporters rushing to hear our comments. We have never felt this important all our lives. You people ‘make our days’!!!!!

How can I stop thanking those banks who cut our credit limits- they didn’t want us to over spend. They were trying to advice us- not to be extravagant and pay proper attention to our personal finance. Such care is overwhelming. Thanks ICICI & HDFC. By the way, we do have salary accounts at your banks right? We shall remember you the next time we get a credit card.

This is a glimpse of the lives of each of us- the employees of the much talked about Satyam Computer Services Limited. We are the much talked about population of the country- terrorism & elections sidelined. You have the right to criticize, comment the way you like, write about us the way you like… do anything that please you. Please do remember that troubles are never biased. They don’t stay with a person/ an entity for ever. It will be on its round, covering people from all walks of life. When trouble comes to us, don’t think we will shy away. We are a bunch of intelligent people, who can think and act. We don’t need your sympathy. We the pillars of Satyam-who has been taught to be a leader ourselves, cannot be written off.